I could sooner reconcile all Europe than two women.
There’s no such thing as soy milk. It’s soy juice.
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
I don’t deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
Every dogma has its day.
It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.
I think the eyes flirt most. There are so many ways to use them.
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
If at first you don’t succeed, blame your parents.
If it’s the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
