Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
I never said most of the things I said.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
There is nothing in the world that I loathe more than group activity, that communal bath where the hairy and slippery mix in a multiplication of mediocrity.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.
I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
I own and operate a ferocious ego.
Who included me among the ranks of the human race?
Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I’m afraid it did.
I don’t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover’s lane holding his own hand.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
