To be or not to be. That’s not really a question.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.
I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Too much agreement kills a chat.
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Don’t talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
We owe to the Middle Ages the two worst inventions of humanity – romantic love and gunpowder.
We are all born mad. Some remain so.
All men are equal before fish.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
