My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
The next time you have a thought… let it go.
So, where’s the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.
I have an unfortunate personality.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
It is to be observed that ‘angling’ is the name given to fishing by people who can’t fish.
As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.
I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.
Instant gratification takes too long.
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
As for our majority… one is enough.
An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
