If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.
I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.
When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
Society is like a stew. If you don’t stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.
If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Cure for an obsession: get another one.
When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
I love fools’ experiments. I am always making them.
It’s simple, if it jiggles, it’s fat.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
I have a new philosophy. I’m only going to dread one day at a time.
There’s nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you’re insightful about it.
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
An idea isn’t responsible for the people who believe in it.
I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
Include me out.
We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
