Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine.
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
