State-sanctioned marriage is a civil contract, period. A contract is not a judgment of moral value. It is a legal agreement between two parties that testifies to a meeting of minds between those consenting entities. It is not a religious act or rite and so has nothing to do with Adam and Eve or Steve or even Harvey.
I have a best friend as a husband, and he is my number one supporter. He’s a family man, and he’s always giving back to God. That is what makes him a beautiful man. We’re not perfect by any means, but that makes us beautiful as well. We’re not afraid to say we’re not perfect. We have our disagreements, but that comes along with marriage.
Especially around Valentine’s Day, it’s easy to find advice about sustaining a successful marriage, with suggestions for ‘date nights’ and romantic dinners for two. But as we spend more and more of our lives outside marriage, it’s equally important to cultivate the skills of successful singlehood.
The sad truth is that the civil rights movement cannot be reborn until we identify the causes of black suffering, some of them self-inflicted. Why can’t black leaders organize rallies around responsible sexuality, birth within marriage, parents reading to their children and students staying in school and doing homework?
Gay marriage is absolutely something that I am in full support of and a big advocate of, and I think it’s an important issue, but there’s a reason that I don’t talk about politics and why I’ll never be in politics. I am not the person to ever do that.
Gay marriage will be universally accepted in time. But if I may be so bold as to say to gays and lesbians, don’t wait for that time to arrive. Just as my father and his generation did not ‘wait’ for their civil rights, nor should you. The toothpaste ain’t going back in the tube. The tide has turned.
Rituals, anthropologists will tell us, are about transformation. The rituals we use for marriage, baptism or inaugurating a president are as elaborate as they are because we associate the ritual with a major life passage, the crossing of a critical threshold, or in other words, with transformation.
Marriage has a unique place because it speaks of an absolute faithfulness, a covenant between radically different persons, male and female; and so it echoes the absolute covenant of God with his chosen, a covenant between radically different partners.
The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.
I came seriously close to getting married four times, and each time I backed off in fear or for one reason or another. Each occasion was different, but in hindsight when I look at the people involved, it wasn’t a bad thing what I did. I think it may have been more complex had the marriage taken place.
It’s a facet of the gay rights movement that people don’t think about enough. Why suddenly marriage equality? Because it wasn’t until 1981 that the court struck down Louisiana’s ‘head and master rule,’ that the husband was head and master of the house.
The irrationality of disgust suggests it is unreliable as a source of moral insight. There may be good arguments against gay marriage, partial-birth abortions and human cloning, but the fact that some people find such acts to be disgusting should carry no weight.
I don’t think it’s in any way harmful, this marriage of media and politicians. I think it enhances the communications process considerably and makes it possible for the public to be far more aware, far more up-to-date on issues and the opposite sides of the issues.
Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights, and for the millions who live in unaccepting places with no resources, dignity remains elusive. I am lucky to have forged meaning and built identity, but that’s still a rare privilege. And gay people deserve more, collectively, than the crumbs of justice.
From the new hate crimes law to the repeal of DOMA and ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’ to the emerging popular support for marriage equality, we are making progress at breakneck speed. As someone who has dedicated most of my career to civil rights law, I am deeply moved by this sea change and proud to have done my part.
Most Americans are fiscally conservative and socially liberal. I’m advocating a balanced budget. But along with that, look, there should be gay marriage equality. A woman should have the right to choose. Let’s not build a fence across the border.
Marriage equality is a hustler’s feeding frenzy of gold-diggers. I campaigned for marriage equality in Maryland because I believe we should have the right to it, but I personally don’t want to get married. I don’t want to imitate the traditions of heterosexual people. I hate weddings: they make me uneasy.
As I grew up and began identifying myself as a feminist, there were plenty of issues that continued to make me question marriage: the father ‘giving’ the bride away, women taking their husband’s last name, the white dress, the vows promising to ‘obey’ the groom. And that only covers the wedding.
Abolition didn’t just happen – people made it happen. Women’s suffrage didn’t just happen – people made it happen. Civil Rights legislation didn’t just happen – people made it happen. And marriage equality didn’t just happen, either – people made it happen.
Marriage isn’t the end-point of a relationship. It’s just a stepping stone, one aspect of a long-term evolution between two people who have, for whatever reason, decided to take a leap of faith and say, ‘Well, hey, this is a person who I want to try with for the rest of my life.’ Which is not a guarantee of perfection – far from it.
The Obama years will be remembered as a cultural – and legal – tipping point for equality for all people who do not identify as strictly heterosexual, arguably the civil rights movement of our times. The president signed the bill repealing ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’ The Defense of Marriage Act was struck down by the Supreme Court.
Why is marriage the pinnacle for everyone? People get married for the wrong reasons. We need to start looking at different packages, whether it’s living together, or being with six partners, or dedicating your life to taking care of flowers.
Men are literally lying in bed with their wives when the marriage is essentially over, thinking, ‘I’ve got to get the hell out of here’, and have a fantasy woman in mind. Then you get divorced, meet a woman, marry her, and by the time all that goes by, you’ve aged a few years and are ready to go back to your ex-wife.
For me, it’s sad to say, but I would probably have a spiritual marriage but not a legal marriage, because I think so much about marriage starts to become about finances. It has nothing to do with God or feelings or the romantic side of marriage. It’s about who owns what, who gets what? So what’s the point?
With the notion of marriage – an exclusive, emotional, binding ‘til death do you part’ tie – becoming more and more an exception to the rule given a rise in cohabitation and high rates of divorce, why should the federal government be telling adults who love one another that they cannot get married simply because they happen to be gay?
