Top 84 Darynda Jones Quotes

After a long, labored sigh, I said, “She was really happy when I got there. I’m pretty sure she was suicidal when I left.”“You do have that effect on people.


Never knock on death’s door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. – T-shirt


I may not look like much, but I’m an expert at pretending to be a ninja.


After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, “You named your breasts?”I turned my back to him with a shrug. “I named my ovaries, too, but they don’t get out as much.


I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.


You know you have ADD when Look A chicken – T-shirt


I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.


Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT


Want coffee?” I asked, as I headed that way.”It’s three thirty in the morning.””Okay. Want coffee?


I do not,” I felt oddly appalled by her statement. “I’m an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.


You called me at four thirty-four….I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.


Sorry. i just can’t seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn’t know what to think, how to act. I’ll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.


My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley Davidson


In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn’t feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. “Do I look dead to you?


God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand.


His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.


You totally need to watch the news.””Can’t.””Why?””It’s too depressing.””Right, because hanging with dead people isn’t.


Nobody wants to look like a fool. Nine times out of ten, thatreason alone keeps people from allowing themselves to believe.


When life hands you lemons say,”Lemons? What else have you got?”- bumper sticker


My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.


If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.


Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.


He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.


There are very few personal problems that can’t be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.


For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.


Since I had a soft spot for zombies and my curiosity was killing me, I opted for plan Z.


Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.




Have you slept yet?”Sure. I took a power nap on the way over.”Didn’t you drive there?”Yeah. Other drviers kept waking me up. Car horns should be illegal.’- Charley & Cookie


You hit me again,” I said, growing oddly annoyed.”Ya think?” Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.”Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is.


I’m currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless


Does Uncle Bob have anything?””I heard he has an STD.””I mean on the women.””Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs.


In the meantime, I had to get dressed and go to work, because going to work in my pajamas was apparently the definition of unprofessional. Cookie’s words. I looked it up though. She was wrong. Webster’s mentioned nothing about pajamas.


If he didn’t hate me so much and he wasn’t an evil supernatural being, I’d be on him like black on Cookie’s toast.That woman could not make toast.


There’s another part, an obstinate part, that wants more. That wants Dutch live and in the flesh. That wants her hand. Her mouth. Her hips under mine. It wants all of her. Every last ounce. Body and soul.


I thought you were mad at me.””I am.””Well, I make it a rule never to have sex with anyone who’s mad at me.”He arched a brow. “It’s a wonder you’ve ever had sex at all.


Why do you suppose I’m here?” I asked him. Angel. A thirteen-year-old departed gangbanger. “Just ’cause you’re supposed to be, I guess.


The regular I both feared and salivated to see was names Reyes Farrow. Where others exuded aggression, deception, and insecurity, he literally dripped confidence, sex, and power. Mostly sex.


I sort of got off on making bad guys sweat. Which was not unlike my love of making good guys sweat, just by very different means.


He had threatened my parents. I had to remember that. Still, it was really hard to stay mad at a wounded naked man.


Men were weird. Especially men made of tempered steel and fire and perpetual darkness. Or men with penises. Either way


He turned the corner and flipped me off at the same time. See? Men could multitask. I was so proud of him.


That took balls.””Please,” I said with a snort, “that took ovaries. Of which I have two.


Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off.


If I couldn’t be a good example, I’d just have to be a horrible warning.


Amber was busy flirting with a rookie named Dead Meat if he didn’t stop flirting back. She was eleven, for heaven’s sake! Of course, he may have just been humoring her. And it was a little cute. In a gross, Chester-the-molester kind of way.


You just seem so sad,” I said, dialing voice mail. “Like someone stole your favorite nine millimeter.”“I’m not sad.” He started down the hall, then turned back. “Least not when I look at you.”.


The woman eyed Ubie a moment before grabbing a pen and writing down the dates I had. Ubie eyed her back. Sparks flew.


We’re going down to the Margarita Grill to smell the lobster, then we’re going to watch the sunrise, and in between we’ll probably have hot, unsafe animal sex.


I stop fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now. T-shirt


A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. —STEVEN WRIGHT


I am a huge believer in revelations and fun twists.


You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner?” I shrugged. “I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something.


Keep Reading.Keep Writing.Keep Pushing yourself!And never stop learning!We writerly types have to stick together mostly because everybody else thinks we’re “weird”.


You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords.””Only for you.


I essentially killed those men. Am I slated for hell?”He stepped to me. Put his fingers underneath my chin. Raised it until our gazes locked. “You’re a god, Dutch. And the reaper. You don’t get slated. You are the slate.


A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.


The point is, stories can be all lengths. Never underestimate the power of “less is more.


Never wait for your muse. Train him/her to show up to work when you do by pushing on. It’s a dominant submission thing.


You know?” he asked.“Yes. I know what I am.”“You – you do?”“I’m a time traveler.


I am apparently the complete opposite of a sociopath. (Seriously. I took a test.) WHEW! ‪#‎dodgedabullet‬


There is a difference between fresh and weird. You never want to throw your reader out of the story. Keep it fresh but natural.


And as your writing evolves, what you need and get from it evolves.


In that one, they’d done their darnedest to destroy Riley’s Switch. This time, instead of two-by-fours and tire irons, they seemed a little more focused on choke holds and knees to the face. Their desire to be close to each other was sweet.


Read. Write. Read some more. Explore the universe through your writing. Practice and learn what moves you and what doesn’t.


WHILE writing, just try to have fun with your ms. Enjoy the process, but push on. Always push toward the finish line!


Any time a beloved character is killed off, it affects the audience in a very powerful way, especially in a series.


I’ve been rejected a hundred times. It just takes that one person who totally believes in you!


I think the first draft is so challenging because that elusive BALANCE is so challenging.


Screw the beaten path! Do your thing. Write the best story you can. the rest will fall into place.


ALWAYS hook a reader. If a detail is unnecessary, it doesn’t belong in your work, long or short! Make everything intriguing. If you have to describe a desk, make it awesome.


I learn from everything I do, right and wrong. I think it helps me grow as a writer and a person.


There is a light at the end of the tunnel. A finished manuscript is AWESOME! So go, go, go! *waves pompoms*


Don’t let writers block push you around. Figure out what the problem is,whether it’s with the ms or it’s in your personal life, and face it head on. Don’t stop writing. Just try really hard to work through it.


We don’t read to observe the character from a distance. We read to become the character and experience the conflicts and rewards they are experiencing.


While the goal of a book is to create a positive emotional experience for the reader, the goal of the opening is to set the stage, to pull the reader in.


If you can master the opening, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of the competition.


The key to high concept is that fresh twist. Make it a big one. Wow your reader. Force her to gasp when she comes to that part in your story.


Thrilled that Reyes and I were outside, and taking that as her cue to get her freak on, Artemis ran around like a gerbil on meth, turning occasionally to make sure we were still watching. And God help us if we weren’t.


He was leaving my stepmother for a sailboat. Not that I blamed him. A sailboat would at least be useful.


Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.


I could’ve knocked the shit out of her .She’d have good reason to roll her eyes then. But knocking the shit out of rude people wasn’t my style. Heckling them every chance I got was. Hopefully she’d screw up soon. I didn’t have all day.


But have you ever seen one?….They shook their heads. “Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage – “Man, she liked that Bible. I’d read it and could definitely understand it’s appeal, but I didn’t have time for this.


Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you’re done. —T-SHIRT



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