Do you think I’m pretty?I think you’re beautifulBeautiful?You are so beautiful, it hurts sometimes.
Wait. You think I’m going to die? That’s why you slept with me?
I’ll find you. There is no place in this world you can hide from me. I’m watching.Love, Dimitri
He sighed and then focused his eyes right on me. It was like drowning, drowning in seas of green. There was nothing in the world except for those eyes.”I want to kiss you, Rose,” he said softly. “And I want you to want me too.
I’m backing down now. I really do love you. That’s why I’m doing this.
Don’t take the high ground and assume you already know what you’ll do. The truth is, when it comes to someone you love, you’ll find there isn’t anything you won’t do.
Because I’ve got a lot more terms of endearment to use. Honey pie. Sugarplum. Bread pudding.”“Why are they all high-calorie foods?
He was too perfect, despite being one of the most imperfect people I knew.
Well, you can think what you want, so long as you remember – no matter how ordinary things seem between us – I’m still here, still in love with you, and care about you more than any other guy, evil or otherwise, ever will.
No matter how long or how difficult, we will undo whatever that Moroi boy has done to you.” to me.
I know I’m not supposed to say this, but I love you.
I realized I’m in love. It’s always been right in front of me.
I’m not a warrior or a goddess,” I said at last.Adrian leaned closer. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re both.
I don’t care,” said Seth. “I would have done it. I would have sold my soul for you. You and me…I told you. Something’s always going to keep us near each other…even if we aren’t together.
You know,” he said, “under normal circumstances, you inviting me to the bedroom would be the highlight of my day.”I jumped up.
Wow,” said Adrian. He sat down on the bed and tested its bounciness, giving it a nod of approval. “This is amazing. What do you think, buttercup?”“I have no words,” I said honestly.He patted the spot beside him. “Want to try it out?
Life, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to care what we want.
But what are loyalty and caring really worth?””To me? Everything.
Things die. But they don’t always stay dead. Believe me, I know.
I’d said it before and meant it: Alive or undead, the love of my life was a badass.
Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies.
What’s up?” I asked.You tell me,” he said. “You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian.”It was an experiment,” I said. “It was part of my therapy.”What the hell kind of therapy are you in?
Takes a lot of tries before you hit perfection.” He paused to reconsider that. “Well, except for my parents. They got it on the first try.” (Adrian)
It’s okay,” I said soothingly. “You’re just getting your stride back. Once you’re up to full power, I’ll go crack a rib or something so we can test it.”She groaned. “The horrible part is that I don’t think you’re joking.
A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought.
Relax, having kids is years away. But can you imagine? Your brains, my charm, our collective good looks… then add in the usual physical abilities dhampirs get. It’s really not even fair to everyone else.
Are you sleepwalking?’ A voice asked behind me. “I was testing dorm security,” I said. “It sucks.
I wasn’t fooled. He was avoiding looking at me. “There’s nothing to talk about.””I knew you’d say that. Actually, it was a toss-up between that and ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.'”Dimitri sighed.
Piece of Heaven?” “No, that other place I’m going to go to for thinking what I’m thinking.
Sex had been amazing, but it wasn’t a magical cure for everything. Damn. Somewhere along the way, I’d picked up common sense.
You look too pretty to be useful.” “Truer words were never spoken.
I just rely on natural talent,” said Adrian, strolling up to the start of the Dragon’s Lair. “When you have such a wealth of it to draw from, the danger comes from having too much.
Do you love him?”There were only a few people in the world who could ask me such insanely personal questions without getting punched. Dimitri was one of them.
How do you feel right now?” “I hurt like hell.””You’ll feel worse tomorrow.””So?””So, better get a jump on this while you still feel…not as bad.””What kind of logic is that?” I retorted.
Oh… Adrian, I’ve got one more favor to ask you. A big one.” “Fondue?” he asked hopefully.
Things on the essential list: vodka, Nine Inch Nails, a steady supply of mortal men, and an all-purpose bitchy attitude.
You did not just say that. I have a feeling we’re on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other.
Why on earth would you buy a car like this if you can’t drive a stick? There are dozens of cars–new cars–that have automatic transmission. It’d be a million times easier.” Adrian shrugged. “I like the color. It matches my living room.
It was impossible to get the Dimitri and Tasha thing out of my head, but at least packing and getting ready made sure I didn’t devote 100 percent of my brain power to him. More like 95 percent.
You used nunchucks on a moose?”Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. “I used all sorts of things on that bastard.
Sydney spent a lot of time on my bed these days.Unfortunately, it wasn’t with me.
Adrian was easily distractible by wacky topics and shiny objects.
That’s ridiculous.” Especially the part about Christian being manly.
You can’t save everyone, though God knows you try.
She accused me of wearing pants from the salvation army.””Rose, your pants ARE from the salvation army.””That’s SO not the point!
If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic.
I’ve heard that the soul often recognizes truth when it hears it, even if the mind does not.
I shot up,now as angry and frusterated as him.I had a feeling if i stayed, we’d both snap. In and undertone, I murmured,”this isnt over.i won’t give up on you.”” I’ve given up on you,”he said back,voice also soft. “Love fades. Mine has.
God might work on mysterious ways, but hell worked on efficient ones.
I had a standing agreement with god. I’d agree to believe in him, barely, so long as he let me sleep in on Sundays.
Seth’s quote from his book:”And if I only couldI’d make a deal with God and I’d get Him to swap our places”-“Running up that Hill” by Kate Bush
You can’t force love, I realized. It’s there or it isn’t. If it’s not there, you’ve got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love.
Sometimes you wake up from a dream. Sometimes you wake up in a dream. And sometimes, every once in a while, you wake up in someone else’s dream.
If I let myself love you, I won’t throw myself in front of her. I’ll throw myself in front of you.
Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you’re the kind of guy who just sits around and—” He stood up. “Let’s dance.
But I couldn’t help myself, couldn’t help the way I felt as I recalled the bliss and rush of a vampire’s bite.
Vampires. Honestly, they’re like children sometimes.
Smiling, I cut across the quadrangle toward the commons. I felt better about life than I had in a very long time. We could do this, Lissa and me. We could do this together.
Aubrey, crouching on a nearby counter, watched me with squinty eyes, apparently pondering why anyone would willingly immerse themselves in water ever, let alone for extended periods of time.
Those words, that voice, had more power over me than any phantom ever could.
It does. This is how it should have been anyway.’ I caught my breath as he kissed my neck, teeth grating my skin. ‘And I’ll take back what’s mine.
What hope is there?” I asked. “If even angels fall, what hope is there for the rest of us?
For every bad thing in life, there are more good things to tip the balance.
And after a while…I mean, how do you choose? Who gets to live? Part of life is that…well, some people have to die. My powers aren’t a prescription you can get filled as needed.
My mother was a voice of reason, a reminder that they had to stay focused and fully assess the situation. Her composure calmed everybody; her strong manner inspired them. This, I realized, was how a leader behaved.
You’re better than this. Better than whatever it is you’re going to do now.
Just friends, just friends. Standing there in the bookstore, watching Seth walk away, I half wondered how anyone could still use that line. But I knew why, of course. It was used because people still believed it. Or at least they wanted to.
Was Deirdre right about me purposely wanting relationships that were impossible?
Sometimes it’s worth lingering on the journey for a while before getting to the destination.
If I had learned anything in my life about love, it was that they were tenous things that could end at any moment. Caution was essential-but not at the cost of risking your life
You…you got rid of that dress fast,” I pointed out between heavy breaths. “I thought you liked it.” “I do like it,” he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. “I love it.” And then he took me to the bed.
A ghostly smile flickered across his face. “If you weren’t so psychotic, you’d be fun to hang around.” “Funny, I feel that way about you too.” He didn’t say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.
Adrian, I’m on a date. Why are you here? On my car?
She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.
What’s that?” he asked, when I stood beside him again.”Halos,” I said with a grin. “For heavenly creatures like us.””That might be a stretch.
What do you think Dimitri? Is this a good idea, Dimitri? Please give us your blessing so that we can fall down and worship you, Dimitri.
Wow. What’d he do to deserve that? Rescue orphans from a burning building? If so, you might want to make sure he didn’t set the building on fire in the first place.
Too bad. Family members hit you by accident. Psychopathic whores tend to come back for more.
Are you in a suit?’ I managed at last, my voice choking up. ‘You didn’t have to dress up for me.”Quiet, Sage,’ he said. ‘I’ll make the hilarious one-liners during this daring rescue.
This isn’t a Christmas special! This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don’t happen.
I certainly hadn’t expected to walk away from today’s trip with joint custody of a miniature dragon.
So they finally gave you the license to kill, about time.
He’d barely seen me coming, and despite the horribleness of what I’d just done, I kind of wished one of my instructors had been there to grade me on such an awesome performance.
Setting out around midnight, I couldn’t help shaking my head, “We’re the goddamned hottest vampire hunters ever.” I muttered.
The rage that had expolded inside me diffused. I didn’t know where it had come from. I had a short temper and often acted impulsively,but this had been intense and ugly even for me. Weird.
Hope implies that you think you have a chance at something.
Tradition or not, I sometimes thought putting children on an old guy’s lap was already creepy enough. We didn’t need to mix alcohol into it.
It’s a fact that people are afraid of what they don’t understand. And most are too lazy or ignorant to find out more.
There was a lot of apologizing going on, but I realized that was how it was with people you cared about. You forgave each other and moved on.
I took a deep breath. “Are you free tonight?” There was a long, pregnant pause. “What about the man in the dream?” he finally asked. “There is no man in the dream.
It’s a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.
Are you kidding? He’s arrogant, sarcastic, likes to intimidate people, and—oh.” Okay. Maybe she had a point.
The greatest and most powerful revolutions often start very quietly, hidden in the shadows. Remember that.
Clearly my stunning beauty has clouded your mind.” – Rose Hathaway
Considering Adrian had once gotten bored while reading while reading a particularly long menu, I had a hard time imagining he’d read the Hugo book in any language.
Did you pick that out?” I asked Dimitri. Honestly, I would have expected him to bend a piece of steel with his bare hands and present her with that.
ARE YOU CRAZY?” I ASKED. He gave me the same wordless look he always did when I asked that question.
Look what we’ve done so far. We’re pretty good at the impossible.
Well, you’ve finally got a license to kill. It’s about time.
Blake smiled radiantly. ʺMay I call you Vasilisa?ʺʺYou can call me Lissa.ʺʺYou can also,ʺ added Christian, ʺlet go of her hand now.
She heard Adrian say to Christian, ʺYou know, your shirtʹs kind of grungy-looking. Seems like you could put in a little more effort since youʹre dating a princess.ʺ
You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youʹd actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donʹt think sheʹs joking.
Georgina,” He murmured, pulling me closer. “You are the world.
As much as I hated to admit it, I kind of looked forward to seeing him. It made no sense, but something about his infuriating nature made me forget about my other worries. Weirdly, I felt like I could relax around him.
No matter how long or how difficult, we will undo whatever that Moroi boy has done to
Something in me didnt believe that. I read it again, trying to make sense of the old-fashioned language. Mason watched me curiously, looking like he very much wanted to help.”Maybe they were hooking up,” he sugg
Except, now that I don’t have a car, I can’t really make good on my birthday promise.” Sydney thought about it for several moments. “Well. I’ve got a car.”An hour later, I vowed I’d never make fun of that Mazda again.
Sex and battle were each dangerous in their own ways.
I used to think you were weak and just didn’t fight back … but now, honestly, I think you’re actually pretty tough. It takes a hell of a lot of strength to not complain and lash out.
The best jury of your peers that you’ll ever find is…well, you. Only you know what you’re capable of and what you want to be.
We fell into silence, both of us keeping our own secrets of what we’d suffered in the other’s absence. I wondered if we were trying to protect each other or simply didn’t want to admit to our own fears and weaknesses.
But with Dimitri, I never felt like I had to be anything more what I already was. I didn’t have to entertain him or think up jokes or even flirt. It was enough to just be together, to be completely comfortable in each other’s presence..
It’s a tricky art, working with them in their purest form,” she mused. “Simultaneously simple yet infinitely complex.” It sounded like my relationship with Adrian.
Every relationship is different. Everyone loves differently.
I’ve lost someone, too; someone I loved. I know how you feel.”- Does it get easier?”Yes. But you’ll never be the same again.
What If Following Her HeartMeans Rose Could Lose Her Best Friend Forever?
There was so much testosterone in the air, I felt like I needed a gas mask.
If the other person says “Fuck Off,” well, then, deal. Move on.
Through the metal grating on my carrier door, Adrian’s face suddenly appeared, peering in at me. “What new, pussycat?
We don’t really have a song or anything.” I pondered that for a second. “I guess we’ve failed as a couple in that regard.”She scoffed. “If that’s our biggest failing, then I think we’re doing okay.
I’d seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.
I need it! I need it! It’s a royal heirloom!””Adrian?””What are you doing here?””Looking for you. Come on, we need to go. I’ll drive you home.””No, I can’t. Not until we get it. He stole it!
His eyes widened. “Are you some kind of mutant human? Like a fire user? And I use mutant as a compliment, you know. I wouldn’t think less of you.
I needed to protect her from this – and from herself.
You can’t force love, I realized. It’s there or it isn’t.
Don’t judge the past by the standards of today. It won’t work. They’re incompatible.
History is important because it teaches us about past. And by learning about the past, ypu come to understand the present, so that you may make educated decisions about the future.
I stopped. She was bleeding after all. Perfect lines crossed her wrists, not near any crucial veins, but enough to leave wet red tracks across her skin. She hadn;t hit her veins when she did this; death hadn’t been her goal.
Thats why your doing this? Because Lissa told you to?
anger based on calculated reason is more dangerous than anger based on blind hate
You can crawl back to whatever hole you live in and fuck your landlord for rent.
But each time you use spirit, you’re more likely to go crazy.”“Already crazy about you, Sage.
I know I’m not supposed to say this,” he said. “But I think I love you more than ever.”I took his hand and tried not to think about how happy his words made me.
It doesn’t matter,” said Adrian, smiling. He rested a hand on my shoulder. “Some things are worth the trouble.
Rose was so full of life and passion that sometimes she seemed more human than I was.
Do you think I’m pretty?”He regarded me with utter seriousness, like he always did. “I think you’re beautiful.””Beautiful?””You are so beautiful, it hurts me sometimes.
The only thing true about what you just said was the storybook damsel part – and that only because you’re pretty enough to be one.
In an undertone, I murmured, “This isn’t over. I won’t give up on you.””I’ve given up on you,” he said back, voice also soft. “Love fades. Mine has.
While I’m fine with you two dating and being happy, please try not to break his heart too much when the time comes.
Of course, some might argue that one can never know what’s in the heart of a woman— For they are strange and mysterious creatures,and a man must be a mind reader if he ever wishes to make them happy.
After the bitching I’d done to Abe about going to remote, crappy places, I should have been excited about the prospect of going to Sin City.
No, I thought. Not just Hell. Really, Heaven was just as guilty. What kind of group could advocate goodness and not allow its members to love?
I don’t think most people take honest well. They prefer the games. They want to believe the pretty lies.
I stared. “Canadian Satanists? You’re sending me to a group of Canadian Satanists?
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I didn’t care that we were out in public. I didn’t care that he was Moroi. All that mattered was that he was Adrian, my Adrian. My match. My partner in crime.
The only thing better than imagining Dimitri carrying me in his arms was imagining him shirtless while carrying me in his arms.
There’s nothing worse than waiting and not knowing what’ll happen to you. Your own imagination can be crueler than any captor.
Not into older guys, huh?” asked Adrian once we were alone.”You’re imagining things,” I said. “Clearly, my stunning beauty has clouded your mind.
Wow.” I hadn’t thought Dimitri could be any cooler, but I was wrong. “You beat up your dad. I mean, that’s really horrible…what happened. But, wow. You really are a god.”He blinked. “What?””Uh, nothing.
Roza.” His voice had that same wonderful lowness, the same accent . . . itwas all just colder. “You forgot my first lesson: Don’t hesitate.
That’s pretty hot,” he said.”Punching me in the eye?””Well, no. Of course not. I meant the idea of getting rough with you is hot. I’m a big fan of full-contact sports.””I’m sure you are.
It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay. You can let go of the sword.””I can’t. I can’t leave him alone. I have to protect him.””You have.
Call me crazy for asking this, but, um, are Lissa and I going with you?””No””No?””No.
What were good and evil, really, but stupid categories? Stupid categoriesthat restricted people and punished or rewarded them based on how they responded to their own natures, natures they really didn’t have any way to control.
Everything’s about my personal entertainment. The world is my stage. Keep it up- you’re becoming a star performer in the show.
This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did.”I frowned, “What’s that?””Homework.
All we can go on is what we think, how we see the world. If you can’t trust your own mind what can you trust?
That creature’s staying?’ It figured. Her daughter-in-law transforming into an animal? No problem. Having to take care of a cat? Crisis. (Sydney Sage-Ivashkov)
Malicious or not, strong leaders always attracted followers
You and me are going to have so much fun, Rose. Picking out curtains, doing each other’s hair, telling ghost stories….
You will not! It’s wrong.””What, kissing you, or kissing you in Pies and Stuff?
Sometimes talking to you is like talking to myself: pretty damned annoying.
Тhere isnʹt much I wouldnʹt do for you. Тhe stupider, the better.
But once in a while . . . I don’t know. I feel so close, Rose. So close to the edge. Like if I allow myself one small misstep, I’ll plunge away and never come back. It’s like I’ll lose myself.
How we love others is affected by how we love ourselves, and for the first time in a long time, I was whole.
But I didn’t know about the other story.””What other story?””About how you and Adrian Ivashkov are—””No, whatever you heard it’s not true.””But it was really romantic””Then it’s definitely not true.
Don’t worry know what you can’t change. rest when you can so you’ll be ready for tomorrows battle.
You can think whatever you want, do whatever you want… I’m going to just go on loving you, even if it’s hopeless.” – Adrian Ivashkov
What in the world is this abomination?”Lissa, only slightly more tactful, asked, “Adrian, is this some kind of joke?
If I keep loving you, maybe you’ll crack and love me too.
I looked him in the eye. “I will always love you.” Then I plunged the stake into his chest.
I had a standing arrangement with God: I’d agree to believe in Him -barely- as long as He let me sleep in on Sundays.
Did you just use juxtaposition in a sentence?” “Yes, Sage” he said patiently. “We use it all the time with art, … That, and I know how to use a dictionary
I tried desperately to put my thoughts into the forms of prayers, but I didn’t know how. If God was real, I figured He was powerful enough to know what I wanted without me actually saying the right words.
I went to bed feeling melancholy, wishing I could havepoured out all my fears and insecurities to my mom. Wasn’tthat what normal mothers and daughters did?
Adrian was completely deadpan. ‘So. You’re saying my sister is dressed like a prostitute.
For a moment his eyes locked onto me with an intensity that left me breathless.
Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.
What’s going on?” I asked when he finished.”I’ll let you know soon. For now, we have to wait.””Great. My favorite thing to do.
Truly,” remarked Nandi as we entered a darkened tunnel, “it is amazing that you have not died yet, mistress.” “Well, hang in there. The night is young.
You…you need to move on,” I managed. Yes, that was a sound reason. “You need to find someone else. You know I don’t—that I can’t. Well, you know. You’re wasting your time with me.”He remained firm. “It’s my time to waste.
Dorian used to watch you like a starving man who wants meat. Now he looks at you like he wants seconds.
I slept with her because she was hot and wanted me. Maybe we’re dealing with the supernatural, but I’m still human.
My skin tingled, and suddenly, Deanna materialized before us. I jumped.
I didn’t share her concern. “Damn it. I should have banished you the first time I saw you. I don’t have time for this, not with everything else. You should be in the Underworld by now. Kiyo isn’t going to kill me.
Throughout history, people with new ideas—who think differently and try to change things—have always been called troublemakers.
Staring into the mirror, I was surprised to see a haunted look in my brown eyes. There was pain there, pain and loss that even the nicest dress and makeup couldn’t hide.
Feel guilty. Mourn this. But move on. Don’t let it destroy you. Forgive yourself.
Rose, I cheat at cards and buy liquor for minors. But I would never, ever force you into something you don’t want.
You did what you did out of love. I can’t be mad at you over that. It was stupid, but that’s how love is. Do you have any idea what I’d do for you? To keep you safe?
It was one thing to accept I couldn’t have Dimitri. It was something entirely different to realize someone else could.
You don’t know your father, do you?”I shook my head. “No. All I know is he must have had wicked cool hair.”Dimitri glanced up, and his eyes swept me. “Yes. He must have.
You know,” he said, “under normal circumstances, you inviting me to the bedroom would be the highlight of my
You have no idea how cute you look with all those snowflakes in your hair,” he murmured.“And you look cute with hypothermia. I hope to God you can get a real coat while you’re here.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I did care that we were out in public. I didn’t care that he was Moroi. All that mattered was that he was Adrian, my Adrian. My match. My partner in crime.
I didn’t care that we were out in public. I didn’t care that he was Moroi. All that mattered was that he was Adrian, my Adrian. My match. My partner in crime.
None of us are meant to be or do anything. We decide what we’re going to be.
Okay, but if you try to get me to pray with you, I walk.
We’re pieces on a gameboard, Dr. March, and some of us are more powerful than others. You. Me. Her. We’re the ones the gods want. We’re the ones they’re fighting over.
You can’t kill me. Even if you could, you can’t bring yourself to do it. You’ll hesitate. Again.
Sage.” He laughed. “I’m into anything, so long as you’re with me.
She continue kissing me with that ferocity, so much so that her lips lightly scraped my teeth. It was only a few drops, but as the sweet metallic taste of her blood touched my tongue, a blinding ecstasy flooded my body.
Where are you going?” he asked.”To break someone’s heart,” I replied.
That’s the kind of guy you’d follow to hell and back.
I’m not dangerous,” I breathed.He brought his face toward mine. “You are to me.”And somehow, against all reason, we were kissing.
I wanted to bring Lissa back, and I wanted to return to Adrian’s arms again, return to his lips and all this life…”Hathaway! Good God, do I have to hose you down?
We can retreat and retreat and let ourselves get backed into corners forever. Or we can go out and meet the enemy at the time and place we choose. Not them.
But i do believe in souls being in sync, souls that mirror each other.
Bless you, daugher of man,” Carter said, his eyes luminous and almost silver now. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and caught my breath. His lips were both burning hot and icy cold.