Guns are our friends because in a country without guns, I’m what’s known as “prey.” All females are.
I’m a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don’t you ever forget it. You know who else was kind of “divisive” in terms of challenging the status quo and the powers-that-be of his day? Jesus Christ.
Democrats see our voluntary military supported by taxpayer dollars as their personal Salvation Army. Self-interested behavior, such as deploying troops to serve the nation, is considered boorish in Manhattan salons.
The Democratic Party supports criminals and Islamic terrorists but has no sympathy for taxpayers.
As far as I’m concerned, I’m a middle-of-the-road moderate and the rest of you are crazy.
We’ve finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don’t want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.
I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.
From the people who brought you “zero tolerance,” I present the Gun-Free Zone! Yippee! Problem solved! Bam! Bam! Everybody down! Hey, how did that deranged loner get a gun into this Gun-Free Zone?
I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.
For most Americans, our most precious possession is citizenship in this amazing country.
It’s often said that those who are unduly bothered by gays are latent homosexuals. Isn’t it possible that people obsessed with racism are themselves racist.
We know who the homicidal maniacs are. They are the ones cheering and dancing right now.
Where there’s smoke around a conservative, there are journalists furiously rubbing two sticks together.
There’s nothing good about diversity, other than the food, and we don’t need 128 million Mexicans for the restaurants.
When we were at peace, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now there’s a war, so Democrats want to raise taxes. When there was a surplus, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now that there is a mild recession, Democrats want to raise taxes.
Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.