Still, he figured, sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, and then sometimes you’ve just got to run like hell after it’s done.
Being a detective isn’t all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant…The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.
They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. “They’ve obviously never met me.
We’re not retreating, we’re advancing in reverse.’ –Skulduggery Pleasant
It’s not that I want you to go, it’s just that I don’t want you to stay.” – China Sorrows –
I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.
An untied shoelace can be dangerous,’ he said.’I could have tripped.’She stared at him. A moment dragged by.’I’m joking,’ he said at last.She relaxed. ‘Really?”Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I’m far too graceful.
You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The lastpresent you gave me was a stick.”“You wanted a weapon.”“It was a stick.”“It had a bow on it.”“It was a stick.”“I thought you liked the stick. You laughed.
You’re under arrest for multiple counts of murder. You have the right to not much at all, really. Do you have anything to say in your defense?
You look angry,” he said.”You put me on hold.””For a very good reason.””You put me,” she said very, very slowly, “on hold.
Of course I want to kill you,” said Skulduggery. “I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to.
If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine.
Fletcher was always going to be your ex-boyfriend, from the moment you met him. He’s just finally caught up with where he’s supposed to be.
I’m placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don’t know, possibly littering.
Emergency Valve Regulators,” she repeated. “So you do know what your doing?”Not really,” he said yanking another wire. ‘I made up that term to keep you happy. I’m just pulling all the red wires because they’re the pretty ones.
It’s fairly standard. Also, I’m fourteen. Also, yourbeard’s stupid.”“Isn’t this fun?” Skulduggery said brightly. “The three of usgetting along so well.
How are we going to get out of here?””Oh, escape is easy once you have the right
The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. “Ryan,” he said, “stop leaning on my car.
Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.
That was a good day for me,” Skulduggery said. “I didn’t have to hit anyone. I didn’t have to shoot anyone. I just sat around and talked to my good friend and partner, Valkyrie Cain.
I cannot have chaos erupting around me until I am prepared for it. I am a collector. I am an observer. I don’t participate. My resources, and my standing, must be secure before I can allow the uncertainty of war to crash down upon us.
Kindness suits you.””Really? I think I’m quite allergic to it.
What would killing the Elders result in?” “Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?
Is he all scarred now?”“Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.
He crouched at the car window and looked in. ‘What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They’re all lovely. Except for that one.’ His finger jabbed the glass. ‘That one’s a bit ugly.
Oh, China. How I have missed you.”And I have missed you, Eliza. But don’t worry, next time my aim will be better.
It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven’t had a chance to do it nearly as much as I’d like.
Is that it?”“No. That’s a wall.”“It could be disguised.”“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.
We can do this the easy way,’ Oblivious snarled. ‘Or the hard way.”What’s the easy way?”You leave immediately.”And what’s the hard way?”We make you leave.’Skulduggery’s head tilted. ‘What was the easy way again?
Cheer up everyone,” he said, a new brightness to his voice. “Since we’re all going to die horribly anyway, what’s there to be worried about?
I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl.
China is the same age as I am, and even I have to admit that she wears it better!” He laughed, then stopped and peered at her. “Because I’m a skeleton” he explained.
When I meet people, I no longer say “Hi, I’m Derek Landy, pleased to meet you.” Now I say “Hi, I’m number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.
You make a good point,’ Fletcher conceded. ‘See, there’s a reason why you’re the girl and I’m the boy. You think about things while I…”Don’t?”Exactly,’ he said happily.
So what does that actually mean?”To be honest, Ghastly, I haven’t a bull’s notion.”Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,’ Tipstaff said.’Of course,’ Skulduggery said. ‘To be honest, Your Highness, I haven’t a bull’s notion.
It was a trap. It was so obviously a trap.Darquesse smiled.
Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of herfather’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as henodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverwarewhen he thought no one was looking
You are a cynical man, Mr. Pleasant.””We live in cynical times, Miss Cain.
Sometimes it’s not what you say, Valkyrie, it’s just the fact that you’re saying it.
What is a life?” Scapegrace continued. “Is life merely living? Is it having a heartbeat? Or is life the effect you have on others? Is it the effect you have on the world around you? If so, what have I done with mine? How have I wasted it?
And what about magic?” “What about it?” “Will you teach me?” “You don’t even know if you’re capable of doing magic.” “How do I find out? Is there a test or something?”“Yes, we cut off your head. If it grows back, you can do magic.
Every solution to every problem is simple. It’s the distance between the two where the mystery lies.
She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person’s teenage years lasted well into their fifties.
Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an ey
But I’m really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.
I mean you ACRES of harm,’ Dalrymple growled. ‘Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through.
I’m going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour.” Finbar rolled his eyes. “And they’ll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them.
I wasn’t always who I am now. No one ever is. I’ve spent my entire lifetime becoming who I am. Finally, I’m here and I’m old. It’s depressing, it really is.
The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves.
I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.
A living skeleton isn’t enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?
Stephanie had no problem doing what shewas told, just so long as she was given a good reason why sheshould.
Doesn’t sunlight kill them? Doesn’t it turn them to dust, or make them burst into flames or something?””Nope. Vampires tan, just like you and me. Well, just like you. I tend to bleach.
Violence?”Skulduggery said. “Violence is never the answer, until it’s the only answer.
Skul-man!’ he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. ‘Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!’ Skulduggery nodded. ‘Just got back.
Here she is,” her mum said, cooing at the baby, “my special girl.”“Oh, cheers,” Valkyrie said, rolling her eyes.
Valkyrie smiled patiently. “I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?
Wow,” she said. “It’s like you’re teaching me something and being all wise.””You are not easy to get along with,” Skulduggery said.
Look at what you’ve done,’ Sanguine said, shaking his head with mock severity. ‘You have foiled out insidious little plot. You have emerged triumphant and victorious. Curse you, do-gooders. Curse you.
What about you?” he asked, his words not much more than a mumble. “Regrets?””Many,” Skuduggery said.Tesseract’s breath rattled in his chest. “That’s the goo thing about living. You get to make up for past mistakes.””Or make brand-new ones.
My wife was saying to me just the other day how she’s noticed a spring in my step lately. That was because I thought you were gone forever.’ ‘I missed you too, Thurid.
Have to be honest with you Darquesse, I cannot feel that. That must be one of your special abilities, because to me, it looks like you just killed a whole bunch of people for no reason.””Oh,” said Darquesse. “That’s so sad
Right, well, we’ve got to work out what we need. We’ve got to work out what we need, how we get it, and what we need to get to get what we need.
Do you think we’ll be waiting long?” Valkyrie asked,keeping her voice low.“The last time we were in this building, we accused theGrand Mage of being a traitor,” Skulduggery said. “Yes, I thinkwe’ll be waiting long.
That’s ridiculous. The only point in having enemies is so you can defeat them, kill them, brush them aside.””Or give them a chance to redeem themselves.
Night descended on Roarhaven like a woolly blanket of blackness with holes in it that were the stars.
He looked at Ghastly. “Thoughts?””I want to kill Sanguine,” was the first thing Ghastly said. “And I want to do it slowly, in front of a lot of people. Using a hammer.”Skulduggery nodded. “Very healthy.
Please don’t arrest me.””Listen to me, I’m not going to arrest you, ok? I’m not a cop.””Are you sure?””Am I sure I’m not a cop? yes, I’m sure.””You could be undercover.
You promise?””I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.
I can’t tell you how may beautiful women have broken up with me because they were bored. I can’t tell you because it never happened. They all adored me.” “It was your humility, wasn’t it?
What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our
He liked murder. Murder and long walks had been two of his favorite things when he was younger.
What are you doing?””I’m, uh, acting normal.””No you’re not. You’re acting like someone pretending to be normal. Stop pretending and start acting, but don’t act like you’re not pretending, that’ll make it worse.
I’ve always been a monster,’ Scapegrace told her, ‘but now, finally, my physical for reflects my inner darkness.”You smell terrible.”That’s the smell of evil.”It’s like rancid meat and bad eggs.”Evil,” Scapegrace insisted.
Hmmm… that’s interesting.””What?””There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun.
Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?