To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.
Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants.
Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.
For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.
Most sane human beings’ chances of being alive in a thousand years’ time are a hundred times higher than their chances of being sincerely happy for at least ten consecutive days.
Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.
Pain, unless it is physical, was sold to you (by your culture).
Technically, all tattoos are temporary, even permanent ones.
Some people talk about other people’s failures with so much pleasure that you would swear they are talking about their own successes.
Many obese people spend a significant amount of their energy on suppressing the urge to tell some of the people who are staring at them that they do not eat as much and as frequently as they seem to.
Most sane human beings who are over the age of six usually act or react not as per what they genuinely feel or really think but in accordance with the expectations of those around them.
The most upsetting thing about Society’s attitude towards disabled people is that many millions of disabled people became disabled while trying to please Society, the very same bitch that secretly regards them as subhuman.
Some of us were brought into this troubled world primarily or only to increase our fathers’ chances of not being left by our mothers, or vice versa.
Greed is a contagious mental illness without which civilization as we know it would not have been possible.
Many a survivor of a plane crash who is or was against cannibalism and had never eaten human flesh once found themselves in a situation where they had to either eat human flesh, or go the way of all flesh.
Many if not most slaves would have each readily jumped, and many if not most slaves would each readily jump, at the opportunity to be a master, if such an opportunity presents or had presented itself.
Just like how most if not all poor boys look up to and aspire to someday be rich men, most if not all underdeveloped and developing countries look up to and aspire to someday be developed countries.
To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man’s girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?
The last time everyone loved or at least liked everyone was when the world had a population of about 4.
In reality most human beings are not, to most human beings, more important than money.
The average adult has had sex innumerable times more than they have formed an opinion of their own.
Although they probably know that some children were used and some children are used as miners, most adults are ignorant of the chocolate industry’s use of minors.
There is nothing morally wrong with buying stolen goods, unless you know that they were stolen.
Many millions of pregnancies—many if not most of which have each led to the birth of at least one child—were each used as nothing but a conspicuous means to a secret end called the evasion of abortion.
The world economy would collapse if a significant number of people were to realize and then act on the realization that it is possible to enjoy many if not most of the things that they enjoy without first having to own them.
Many a parent, sad to say, has used their child as an opportunity for them, the parent, to do, through their child, something or some of the things that they, the parent, did not do or did not do successfully.
When selecting a one-night stand, a heterosexual woman who is materialistic is a trillion times more likely to choose a sexually unattractive poor man who seems rich over a sexually attractive rich man who seems poor.
Loneliness tortures many if not most of the elderly more intensely and more frequently than it torments many if not most of us who will never be or have not yet been pushed or pulled into old age.
As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again.
Millions of sane people would each be sexually attracted to their own parent or child if they were not related to them.
Life is a process during which one initially gets less and less dependent, independent, and then more and more dependent.
Some people avoid thinking deeply in public, only because they are afraid of coming across as suicidal.
Some people hate people who are overconfident, only because their overconfidence reminds them of their underconfidence.
A premature death does not only rob one of the countless instances where one would have experienced pleasure, it also saves one from the innumerable instances where one would have experienced pain.
If we were not impressed by job titles, suits, and jargon, we would demand that financial advisors show us their personal bank statements before they tell us what we could or should do with our own money.
Boredom is probably more frequent and more tormenting if you do not have sight or hands.
In some cases, you can tell how somebody is being treated by their own boss from the way they are treating someone to whom they are a boss.
Most men would no longer enjoy conversing with most women if they stopped bringing their vaginas along.
A relationship is likely to last way longer, if each partner convinces or has convinced themselves that they do not deserve their partner, even if that is not true.
More often than not, an inspirational or motivational speaker is someone who makes money from telling us that we can do all of the things that we can do … and pretty much all of the things that we cannot do.
Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.
Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.
Bigheadedness is usually a symptom of small-mindedness.
We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they hate us.
A seemingly simple task like taking a bath or wearing a condom feels like multitasking to someone who suffers from hemiplegia or has only one hand.
Most human beings would have never been pained by the death of a human being if they had never seen a human being or pretending to be pained by that.
More often than not, expecting to lose weight without first losing the diet that made the weight loss necessary is like expecting a pig to be spotless after hosing it down while it was still rolling in mud.
Plants are more courageous than almost all human beings: an orange tree would rather die than produce lemons, whereas instead of dying the average person would rather be someone they are not.
Being bored is the price we pay for not being insane.
We are loved way more by some of the people who have not contacted us in the last twelve or so months than we are loved by some of those who contact us every twelve or so days … or hours.
We all have problems. Or rather, everyone has at least one thing that they regard as a problem.
Many a death was precipitated by the food, the job, or the medication whose main function was to postpone it.
When in court, the primary role of lawyers is not to prove or disprove innocence; unbeknown to almost all lawyers and their clients, it is to save the court time.
The death of a billionaire is worth more to the media than the lives of a billion poor people.
One of the main functions of a push-up bra is to lower the number of mothers who seem like mothers.
The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are … or they think we are.
An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.
Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.
Some people have contracted HIV during their separate endeavours to give someone or some people a curable STD.
You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.
Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.
Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stupidity do not have the stamina required to reach old age.
A truly compassionate man gives a poor woman a portion of his meal before he eats, not after he has eaten.
Some women’s greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women’s greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man.
Some people masturbate to temporarily replace their partners when they are absent, whereas some people do that to temporarily live in the present.
With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles.
Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.
Some people who have been working out regularly for months or even years are still out of shape because the number of cheat days they have in a week exceeds six.
Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name of the person to whom the sentences are attributed.
A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.
If the food that one ate the night before were somehow able to be seen and identified through one’s clothes throughout the day, millions of employees would each fast ten or so days before their payday.
The human population would probably be way less than a thousand, if ejaculation were not usually accompanied by an orgasm.
Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.
Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.
Though people sort of need your permission to talk to you, they do not really need one to talk about you.
We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.
Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful.
Some people would regard people who look like they do as ugly if they did not look like them.
Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.
By drinking, a boy acts like a man. After drinking, many a man acts like a boy.
Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.
He who is jealous is better off not dating someone who is bisexual.
There is no such thing as a boring person when you are lonely or extremely bored.
There is so much woman in many a girl and too much boy in many a man.
Life curses some poor people with the love of luxury, while it blesses some with the very same thing.
We call talking about other people’s personal lives ‘gossip’ only if we aren’t or weren’t part of the conversation.
People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.
Only someone who isn’t a fool stands a chance of not being bothered by being deemed a fool by a fool.
Most people would instantly start feeling ten years older if someone were to convince them that they were actually born a decade before their birthdate.
Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.
There’s no such thing as a good or bad person: there are just people who have each been or seem to have been good or bad to you, someone, or some people, thus far.
Some people will insult your intelligence by suddenly being nice or nicer to you once you make it … or they think you have.
We seldom learn much from someone with whom we agree.
Most adults are knowledgeable to a child, but ignorant for their age.
Most women would each be left with fewer dreams or without a dream, if the institution of marriage were to be abolished.
Some writers write to forget. Some forget to write.
When it comes to their love lives, some people do not really have high standards; they merely have low sex drive.
Most of the very few people who would choose a good heart over riches would eventually use that to either make a lot of money, or attract men or women who are rich.
It is usually unbearably painful to read a book by an author who knows way less than you do, unless the book is a novel.
You are more likely to find three TVs inside a randomly selected house than you are to find a single book that is or was not read to pass an exam, to please God, or to be a better cook.
We are generally treated based on how much or little we have, earn, or know—or seem to have, earn, or know.
An ignorant man who is regarded as knowledgeable by people who are more ignorant than him is still ignorant.
It sometimes requires ignorance and arrogance to know something for sure.
The more you know, the less you talk. The less you talk, the more you know.
Knowing more than someone does not necessarily mean that you know every single thing they know.
You know you made it, when your friends tell their friends that you are their friend.
You know you made it, when people you know, tell people they know, that you know them.
Freedom of speech is unnecessary if the people to whom it is granted do not think for themselves.
Assuming that all ‘unschooled’ people to lack education is akin to assuming that a salary is the only means to make money, or, that a vagina or a penis is the only source of an orgasm.
One of the most common and most dangerous misbeliefs is that it is impossible for someone to be stupid just because they are a doctor or a lawyer.
When you are unemployed, weekends are seven days long.
We usually learn from debates that we seldom learn from debates.
There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.
When a man cheats, it is said it is because he is a dog. When a woman cheats, it is said it is because her man is a dog.
12% of people marry because they are completely in love. 88% of people marry just so they are then liable for only half of their rent.
Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.
Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours’, as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.
Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.
Some people are still alive only because they find being dead more boring than being alive.
Because of self-doubt, the fear of failure, or laziness, most people usually bite off way less than they can chew.
The continuation of man’s life is more attributable to his fear of death than it is to his desire to live. As a matter of fact, in countless cases, it is attributable to only the former.
We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.
To evade arrogance, remind yourself (from time to time) that your talent or success could have been better. To be thankful, remind yourself (every now and then) that your illness or failure could have been worse.
The middle class were invented to give the poor hope; the poor, to make the rich feel special; the rich, to humble the middle class.
Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn’t normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn’t normally do.
Nothing holds back human progress as frequently as the misbelief that the words ‘impossible’ and ‘improbable’ are synonyms.
Most people do not really want others to have freedom of speech, they just want others to be given the freedom to say want they want to hear.
Sunglasses are more useful to a blind man than freedom of speech is to a man who does not think for himself.
The average adult hates being treated like a child, unless it suits them.
We would not be ashamed of doing some of the things we do in private, if the number of sane human beings who do them in public were large enough.
Unrequited love is a billion times less intolerable than unrequited hate.
There would definitely be way fewer instances of cheating, if the average couple did not have sex only when the woman feels like it.
Some men would not still be HIV negative or alive, if they had managed to sleep with some of the women with whom they want or wanted to have sex.
Death would not surprise us as often as it does, if we let go of the misbelief that newborns are less mortal than the elderly.
He with the cleanest clothes isn’t necessarily the cleanest.
Because he has finally realized that it is it and not him that is loved by the woman he loves, many a man is jealous of his own car, house, wardrobe, or salary.
Attending a funeral would leave the average person insane, if they truly believed that sooner or later they are also going to die.
We are sometimes depressed by our failure to convince people who strongly believe that we are that we are definitely not depressed.
Every single person is a fool, insane, a failure, or a bad person to at least ten people.
We are sometimes dragged into a pit of unhappiness by someone else’s opinion that we do not look happy.
Nothing is as irritating to a shy man as a confident girl.
Even the world’s greatest actor cannot fake an erection.
Whenever they are condemning weaves or breast implants, some people speak so passionately that their false teeth almost fall out.
Marketing is so powerful that it can make even an extremely untalented musician a one-hundred-hits wonder.
Some women have kissed—and some are kissing—a lot of frogs, even though the very first man that they have each kissed was and is still a prince.
The least we each ought to do for someone who treats us like a king or a queen is to treat them like a prince or a princess.
Saying that you do not remember something or someone is a less embarrassing or hurtful way of saying that you do not know it or them anymore.
Some people wouldn’t still be sane, if they were not religious or superstitious; some wouldn’t be disabled or dead.
Many a man was caused to perish by something that he and many men cherish.
Whenever He answers prayers, God usually prioritizes those by people who, instead of their mouths, have prayed with their hands and/or feet.
Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations.
When you are suffering from sexual starvation, a spank or even a hug seems like a porn scene.
There probably was a time when the idea of having a toilet inside a house was repulsive.
Not everyone who condemns masturbation can masturbate.
There would be fewer absent fathers, if straight men were turned on only by women with whom they would not mind having children.
Unbeknown to us, some of the people who we hope are missing us wherever they are do miss us; some miss someone else; and some are dead.
A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water.
An arrogant man whose arrogance we see from his own behaviour is more tolerable than a humble man whose humility we hear of from his own mouth.
Some people ate less food less often when they each had a home than they now do as hobos.
Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for.
Some people would not have remained with their partners, if the unfortunate things that have happened to them had happened to their partners, or if the fortunate things that have happened to their partners had happened to them.
Life sometimes confuses us by making us discover in someone we hate a quality or qualities we love.
Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them.
Thanks to bad graphic design, some readers love only the electronic version of some books.
Most people would rather eat inside a windowless room in which they have just defecated than eat inside one in which someone else has just farted, even if the room does not have a toilet.
Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers.
Some people are each envious of the person they used to be.
We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.
I do not have a problem with people killing themselves, as long as they took at least a hundred years to think about what they are about to do.
Finding out that you are not your lover’s only lover hurts, but not as much as discovering that you are the side chick … or the side dick.
We think we like or love some people until we see them regularly.
We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them.
You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.
Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.
Most people who are would each not be in love with their partner, if they did not have the kind of genitals they have.
The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today.
The only real reason that some relationships and marriages have not yet been ended is because in each case one of the partners has not yet found their ideal partner or someone they love or at least like.
Some people’s self-esteem was secretly improved when they discovered that their then-lovers had killed themselves over them.
To increase the chances of a writer trying to kill themselves, cut off their hands.
Some men’s chests are more buttlike than some women’s butts.
Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.
Some disabled people spend a significant amount of their energy on trying to come across as abled or as not that disabled.
Not every single way of saying the right thing is right.
Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.
After a certain point, all natural bodily changes are for the worst.
Some people love but will never marry each other. Some are married to but have never loved and will never love each other.
Unless it is you, finding out who your lover’s dream lover is is a nightmare.
If we had to earn our age by thinking for ourselves at least once a year, only a handful of people would reach adulthood.
Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).
To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic.
Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they almost always have to remind you to miss them).
More people would be depressed, if parents tried to please their children as frequently and as badly as children try to please their parents.
Some men are so indoctrinated that they sincerely believe that other than cooking and cleaning the only thing that a woman can do better than them is being a woman.
Taking good care of your husband or wife is the best way to thank their parent or parents for having taken good care of them.
Many a woman is in a relationship with or married to her man not because she loves him but only because she likes men like him.
One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.
Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns.
Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.
Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS.
Whether it is big or small, the size of a poor man’s yard incessantly reminds him that he is poor.
We are sometimes hurt mostly or only not by what happened or is happening to us but by being felt sorry for.
Being HIV positive doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative.
We human beings regard ourselves as (or compare ourselves to) animals only when it suits us.
Most people do not mind dying, as long as that does not happen today.
Immediately after a divorce or a breakup, your mind whispers that there are plenty more fish in the sea, while your heart shouts that there is only one whoever-you-just-divorced-or-broke-up-with.
Making God a man is the consolation prize that our forefathers gave themselves for not being the ones who were each blessed with a vagina.
Some of the people we feel sorry for feel sorry for us for thinking that they are the ones who should be felt sorry for.
Instead of being regarded as intelligent or knowledgeable, many a woman would rather be regarded as beautiful or good in the kitchen; many a man, as handsome or good in bed.
To take away a man’s sanity, answer all his prayers and solve all his problems. Or give him everything and everyone he wants.
It is as difficult for most poor people to truly believe that they could someday escape poverty as it is for most wealthy people to truly believe that their wealth could someday escape them.
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.
Back in the day, it was either both a mother and her daughter had pubic hair, or the daughter didn’t. Today, in many a case, the mother is the one who doesn’t.
It is in the best interest of the rich to preserve poverty.
Some people will each start investing more of their salary on ‘their’ house and spending less of it on ‘their’ car or cars only when they start being able to take ‘their’ house to work, funerals, weddings, etc.
Some people respect some people only because some people respect them.
When it comes to things such as sugar and rice, most people believe that brown is superior to white. But when it comes to human beings, they believe that the opposite is true.
Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.
You cannot really shame a man who sincerely does not care what others think of him.
Thanks to photography, some memories overstay their welcome.
Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.
Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.
It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact.
Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.
A man cannot really be called (sexually) confident if he has never bought his woman a vibrator.
Our parents would not be ‘The best parents in the world’ (to us) if they were not our parents.
It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.
Some men do not know the father of ‘their’ children.
The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem.
Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.
Some people are so sexually unattractive that the thought of masturbating turns them off.
Coco Chanel is said to have said that a girl should be two things: who and what she is. I say a girl should do two things: what and who she wants.
The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.
A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.
Some women would not cheat, and some would not have cheated, had they each married a man whom they love … or at least like.
In a patriarchal society, one of the most important functions of the institution of the family is to make feel like a somebody whenever he is in his own yard a man who is a nobody whenever he is in his employer’s yard.
Most sexually adventurous women want a man who regards cunnilingus as a basic woman right.
People who complain about something that they cannot do anything about are as irritating as those who complain about something that they can do something about.
The only way to truly help most drug addicts and most alcoholics is to—instead of them—change reality.
Looks sure can be deceiving: not every ‘ugly’ person is a ‘bad’ person (or is guilty of whatever it is that they are accused of).
Sexual starvation forces a heterosexual man to see beauty in every single female who he can sleep with without his society’s disapproval.
One of the reasons God did not make a lover for Himself when He made one for Adam is because He knew that fewer people would take Him seriously once He had an ex.
An artist that makes art merely to meet a demand is a slave to what his patrons wants to see, or, hear.
Some artists benefit less from being interviewed than they do from being left alone.
We sometimes reveal how ignorant or bored we were when we read a book by giving it 5-stars.
If e-book readers were invented before print books, (petty things such as) the smell of ink would have been some people’s only reason for not abandoning e-books.
Man is an extremely complex creature: he usually acts in an unselfish manner for selfish reasons.
There is more to life than making a living. Do not work more than you live.
The employed are punished by having to do what they do not love. The self-employed are punished by the opposite.
Culture is a symbolic veil with which we hide our animal nature from ourselves … and other animals.
Alcohol is one of the quickest vehicles with which we escape shyness, our problems, and self-consciousness, for a few hours.
There is nothing inherently painful about being cheated on.
We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.
If God really valued loyalty, He would have blessed every single believer before He even considered blessing a single nonbeliever.
Being called ‘love’ or ‘my love’ by someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you are loved or even liked by them.
For breakfast to be called ‘in bed’ instead of ‘on top of a bed,’ the house in which it is about to be eaten has to have at least two rooms (excluding the kitchen); (at least) three, if it has a bathroom.
When you love someone, you end up caring about each and every person they love. When you hate someone, you end up caring about every single person who hates them.
You cannot really get married by mistake. You can only marry the wrong person.
Men (who cheat) do not cheat because they are dogs. They are (regarded as) dogs because they cheat.
Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.
In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.
In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.
The reason that man is seldom satisfied with his salary is that when it increases, he increases his expenses.
It is only if the primary or only reason you do what you do is to make money that you will envy every random person who made or makes a lot of money (or money that exceeds what you made or make).
Nothing reminds one of how shitty inequality is more often than the fact that there are companies who make and people who use 1-ply toilet papers.
A poor but confident man is as hard to find as a rich but shy man.
*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.
The only reason that some people aren’t ashamed of their parents and/or siblings is because they know that we know that they did not choose them.
Millions of deaths would not have happened if it weren’t for the consumption of alcohol. The same can be said about millions of births.
Although every person makes mistakes, not every mistake makes a person.
To increase the odds of being thanked, some people compliment some people; some make kids.
Technology has transformed the world into a global village. And communities, families, friends, etc., into local islands.
Nothing complements a fast mind better than a slow tongue. And nothing aggravates a slow mind better than a fast tongue.
A specialist’s mind is a slave to his specialization.
With the exception of a gun, starvation is the only thing that is capable of making an insane man lose his mind.
Man cannot be homophobic without having concerned himself with another’s sex life.
Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill.
Life occasionally humbles us by making us turned on by someone whom we turn off.
AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call ‘The Presumption of Sickness,’ i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative.
A paedophile is someone whose sexual attraction towards children their own age did not grow with them.
For the most expensive way to realize an orgasm, men open their wallets. For the cheapest, they close their eyes.
One-night stands were invented to free men from worrying about the size of their penis. And to free women from worrying about the size of their stretch marks.
There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with, or, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman.
There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with.
Homophobia is the ignorant and arrogant assumption that copulation and reproduction is all there is to a relationship.
A salary is, to a man’s employer, what his wife’s vagina is to his wife: a tool used to (1) reward; and (2) control him.
Looking at what ‘foreplay’ is, ‘sexual intercourse’ is a game.
As common as unplanned sex. As uncommon as a planned child.
With regards to getting laid and getting AIDS: Being interesting can be an interesting guy’s downfall.
The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm.
Huge biceps are an unattractive-uneducated-underpaid man’s last attempt to be seen as worthy of dating, or, sleeping with.
*Forever* is an illusion that human beings promise each other when they are horny, or, trying to appear holy.
Compared with lesbians, gays seem to be more unapologetic about their sexual orientation. The former must not have balls.
Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man’s access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man’s access to) their kids.
It is rude to tweet while having sex. However, it is not rude to have sex while tweeting.
Morals are nothing but a civilized society’s attempt to tame some beast called man.
To see a man’s true colours, tell him that you don’t plan on having sex with him. To see a woman’s true colours, tell her that you don’t plan on marrying her.
When we see a good-looking woman with a not-so-good-looking man, we assume that the man must have a good bank balance. When we see a good-looking man with a not-so-good-looking woman, we assume that she must be good in bed.
An educated woman is seen as a human being with a vagina. An uneducated woman is seen as a vagina with a human being.
A hundred years ago, an average teenager knew countless authors, and, a sex position or two. Today, an average teenager knows countless sex positions, and, an author or two.
Some women sleep their way to the top. Most men sleep their way to the bottom.
For the duration of his erection: To a horny man, all women are the most beautiful woman in the world.
To a man who was required to marry before he was allowed to have sex with his lover, marriage is a ‘righteous’ form of prostitution.
88% of women love making their first love making incident with a man seem like an accident.
Some marry because they are in love. Others marry to have sex … without the guilt.
Prostitutes are paid for taking their clothes off. Celebrities are paid for putting others’ clothes on.
Some couples are married because they fell in love. Some are married because the woman fell pregnant.
Starving whilst schooled is like a man’s finding out that his wife is on her periods … a few seconds after he took Viagra.
The boring thing with ‘No sex before marriage’ is that kids will never get to attend their parents’ wedding.
It is childish to eat primarily or only to please your tongue.
When coming to making kids: Size doesn’t count, it’s sperm count that counts.
Most parents are not really ‘supportive’ because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they ‘support’ their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures … in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours.
Dating a wo/man with a child is adoption … without the paperwork.
To know what should be going on in a household: spend a few minutes with the wife, or, the husband. To know what’s really going on: spend a few minutes with their kid(s).
Men marry for the womb. Women marry for their tummy.
A ‘white’ kid that asks too many questions is called *curious.* A ‘black’ kid that asks too many questions is called *forward.*
Being a ‘good’ parent is more about the parent, and, less about the ‘supposedly-could-have-been-bad’ child.
In fiction: we find the predictable boring. In real life: we find the unpredictable terrifying.
Feminists who accept the claim made in The Book of Genesis, and, that God is a he, need to make their minds up.
There is absolutely nothing feminine about the colour pink, or, anything bad-luck’ish about the colour black — in itself.
In a materialistic society, the dead body of a rich man’s dog is regarded as a corpse; that of a poor man, a carcass.
Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.
A ‘normal person’ is what is left after society has squeezed out all unconventional opinions and aspirations out of a human being.
In a materialistic society, there’s no such a thing as a ‘romantic’ broke man.
In a materialistic society, man is likely to value the opinion of a rich man over that of a poor one; even when coming to opinions that have absolutely nothing to do with moneymaking.
He who fails to achieve a dream set by himself is more honorable than he who succeeds in achieving a dream set by his society.
In any sane society, a farmer is a billion times more important than an economist.
In a society that prioritizes man’s health, a cleaner is more important than a lawyer.
Today, the world rewards those with creative and intellectual muscles. So, women and skinny men need to shut up and start thinking.
We owe some of our successes to people who did not want to help us more than we do to those who have helped us.
The present is an eternal attempt to separate the past from the future.
The present is the closest that you will ever get to the future.
Contrary to popular belief: Knowing where you are from will not really tell you where you are going. It will merely tell you why you are where you are.
Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one’s Tuesday.
An agnostic is a creature that is religiously skeptical whenever it is told that God exists … or that He doesn’t.
Technically, you cannot really own a book you bought; you can only own the sheets of paper your copy is printed on; unless, of course, you are the book’s publisher.
Whenever I encounter writer’s block, I stop writing … with my hands; and I then start writing with my legs.
It’s easy to write a sentence, paragraph, or book. What’s difficult is writing the best sentence, paragraph, or book, you can write.
In many a case, the phrase ‘I’d like to get to know you better’ is a euphemism for ‘I want us to fuck.
Intelligence is a way of thinking, not a choice of words.
You are not walking slow enough, when taking a walk, if you do not come across as bored or depressed (to the average sane person).
When the going gets tough: the poor close their eyes, the rich open their wallets.
Closing one’s eyes when praying doesn’t increase the odds of the prayer being answered. It merely decreases the odds of being distracted.
I tend to avoid people who always have something to say … and those who expect me to always have something to say.
The modern man is usually in a hurry to get to a destination from which he will sooner or later suffer from and at times complain about boredom.
Some people each left their spouse or lover because he or she was no longer the primary source of their happiness; some, because their spouse or lover was, at that time, the primary source of their unhappiness.
Many marriages would have been laid to rest a long time ago, if they were not on a life-support machine called other people’s opinions and/or expectations.
In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.
When a dreamer loses his lover, his dream profits. (Unless, of course, the lover was the dreamer’s dream.)
There is a correlation between one’s estimation of the odds of finding a new lover who is, at the least, of the same standard as they one they’re currently in a dead relationship with, and, their attempting to revive a dead relationship.
Dating is a man-made ideology: if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, one would either be in a relationship, or, six feet under.
Meeting, for the first time in person, someone that you’ve ‘known’ for sometime online = Taking the relationship to the ‘previous’ level.
There’s a correlation between the number of digits on a man’s bank balance, and, the number of things that his woman is willing to forgive him for.
Ownership breeds slavery: with every single thing that you acquire, comes a new worry of not losing that thing.
He who acquired all his wealth by *being at the right place at the right time* is hypocritical by being angry for losing all his wealth because of his *being at the wrong place at the wrong time.*
When you lose a friend or a lover, those who remain in your life gain (more of your attention).
Free is he who is reputable for not being fearful of losing his reputation.
Masturbation = Imagination + Activity. Worry = Imagination + Negativity.
A slice of bread eaten is a million times more nourishing than a loaf of bread imagined.
Poverty has deceived many of us into believing that some people who are in that state love the food, clothes, places, and people that they do not even like. The same can be said about wealth.
Some of our friends are our friends only because we used to be friends.
If growing up means not seeing one’s family and friends on the regular—all in the name of paying the bills, then growing up is overrated.
To hear how great your friends think you are: fake your death, or, get married.
After our loved one dies: we cry, not because they left; but because they left us.
Your friends love you for who you are. Your family loves you for what you are.
Judge not the value of a friend by the number of boy- or girlfriends they helped you get. But by the number of books they’ve recommended to you.
The older you get, the easier it is for you to distinguish between your friends and people you are not seeing for the first time.
Hanging around people you’re smarter than is good for your ego. Hanging around people who are smarter than you is good for your intellect.
Females and boys are the only creatures that propose others for friendship. As for the rest of us, friendship sort of just happens.
Most women have low standards. All they strive for is a highly paid man.
To some women, a job plays the role of a man. To most women, a man plays the role of a job.
Generally, men prefer dating women they love over women who love them; women prefer the opposite.
To buy women things, some men entertain. To entertain women, some men buy things.
If we were rational enough to judge what we are fed based on what we are fed, those in the business of selling us hope (i.e., public speakers, presidents, priests, etc.) wouldn’t wear suits.
The rich take life one financial year at a time. The poor take life one meal at a time.
Employment frees man from the nightmare of unemployment, while it chains him to his employer’s dream.
A salary is a tax employers pay, every four weeks, for putting an employee’s dream on hold.
An ‘Employee of the Month’ is a titled given to someone who best helped someone else actualize their dream—in that particular month.
Giving up isn’t a deed. It is ‘discontinuity’ of a deed.
*Employee* is a label given to a creature that could not hold on to its dream.
Success is subjective. Your dream bank balance could be someone else’s nightmare.
Whoever that came up with the idea of people having to have ‘a dream’ sure knew how to keep these creatures called human beings preoccupied.
Most people are not really scared of death. They are merely terrified of being taken to a mortuary and/or being buried or cremated and/or being forgotten.
88% of what we call good songs aren’t really good. They merely remind us of a good time we once had.
The only thing I hate about good people is that they like making their being good people bad people’s problem.
The pleasure or the benefit that the object of our deed derives from it is every now and then greater or even more important than the one we derive from the deed.
Every single good person is a good person for their own sake, not for the sake of humanity, not even for the sake of another human being.
No single bad person regards themselves as a bad person.
It is humanly impossible to be selfless. As a matter of fact, human beings are inherently selfish.
Our thoughts, feelings and whereabouts: Food we dish up on plates called photographs and status updates; to feed Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.; beasts with insatiable appetites.
Unlike wealth, fame makes it easier for some men and more difficult for some to sleep around.
Poverty, like obesity, has the tendency to add at least ten years to the appearance of its victims, especially those who are over the age of twenty.
Other than the promise of life after death, nothing consoles the poor better than the fact that rich people are also subject to death.
There really is no correlation between age and one’s bank balance. I’ve met wealthy boys and broke men.
Rich men use most of their money to get richer. Poor men use most of their money to look richer.
For an entrepreneur: wealth invites fame. For a celebrity: fame invites wealth.
A VIP area is nothing without not-so-important people.
The rich are poor without the poor’s acknowledgment of money.
The definition of ‘Employment’ by an employer, and, that by an employee, are seldom the same.
We are not as important to most people as we are to ourselves. As a matter of fact, we are—to most people—not important at all.
In her 20′s, a woman’s breasts double her self-esteem. In her 40′s, they halve it.
Life entertains humble men by giving men with below average looks (intellect, knowledge, etc.) an above average self-esteem.
*I’m hustling* is a low self-esteem having man’s way of saying *I’m unemployed,* when answering a seemingly materialistic woman’s question as to what he does for a living.
Life ups the self-esteem of a low-paid man by giving him things that the high-paid man that he envies cannot buy (intellect, looks, sex appeal, etc.).
If history really forever repeats itself: then, it has always been then.
If life really begins at forty, then all poor people die in their teens.
The presence of confidence can make an unable man appear able. While its absence can make an able man appear unable.
Most people do not want much. All they want is to be envied by most people.
A social critic is someone whose work revolves around where and how our successes are failing us.
Without doing one cannot fail. But one cannot succeed either.
Employment is the exploitation of the employer’s courage, and, the employed’s fear of failure.
A son is an unfulfilled man’s last attempt to fulfill his unfulfilled dreams.
To fail, try to please your critics. To please your critics, try to fail.
Miracles’ rely on their observer’s ignorance. ‘Perfection’ relies on the observer’s failure to notice the observed’s defects.
We preoccupy ourselves with what we had — or what we want to have — at the expense of what we have.
It is a sign of arrogance to be mad at someone for not acting as per your advice, especially if it was unsolicited.
To be a better cook, cook more. To be a better writer, read more.
Many a rich man’s bed is bigger than many a poor woman’s bedroom; his bedroom, her house.
Leftovers are less tasty if they were left over by someone else, unless you are poor.
Narcissism is as profitable to a model as scruffiness is to a homeless person.
Using money in one’s attempt to put an end to poverty is like using a border in one’s attempt to put an end to xenophobia.
Rich people read their bills. Poor people dread theirs.
Distinctive facial features of a parent are poor people’s paternity test.
There’s a very fine line between being broke and being humble.
Shyness is a luxury reserved for those who are above the poverty line. To a beggar, being shy is deadly.
When reading a book, you are sold what some writer thought. When reading a newspaper, you are sold what someone did, and, what some advertiser made.
Sometimes it is the reader that sucks, not the book.
A writer’s primary goal is to make sense. The bookstore’s is to make cents.
A writer’s pen depreciates with every word that it writes. Whereas she appreciates with every word that she writes.
A writer is merely a reader that had the guts to be read, and, heard.
There are more writers who read than readers who write.
To put an arrogant ‘famous’ writer in his place: pretend to be illiterate.
A high self-esteem having artist works hard to be understood. A low self-esteem having artist works hard to be agreed with.
Being a philosopher requires a lot of thinking and no action. Being a model requires a lot of action and no thinking.
Everybody is talking about the Law of Attraction. Nobody is talking about the Law of Action.
In a materialistic society, an employed boy is older than an unemployed man.
Happiness is a temporary recurring human experience.
Most of the people who have verbally asserted that ‘there is no master of pronounciation’ have intentionally made a claim and unintentionally made their claim believable. (It is ‘pro-nun-ciation’ not ‘pro-noun-ciation’.)
A rumor is usually a lie that the media can legally profit from.
Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling.
To a blind man, pawn shop and porn shop are one. To an unintelligent man, oversleeping and sleeping over are opposites.
Contrary to popular belief, some animals would not have each chosen to be a human being, if they were given the choice between being what they are and being human.
Culture, religion, and education, are conspiracies to standardize worldviews.
We are all born agnostics. Atheism and theism is sold to us.
Thanks to arranged marriages: There are countless women who have never been their husband’s girlfriend.
A gold tooth is to some blacks, what braces are to all whites.
To most Americans, a dog is a potential mate. To some Chinese, a dog is potential meat.
An angry artist tells people what (he thinks) they need to hear. A hungry artist tells people what (he thinks) they want to hear.
You don’t tell a boy that he is a boy. You simply act like a man.
To leave a man’s ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet.
A tapping foot isn’t the best a listener can get from a song: A good song makes a listener dance. A great song makes him think.
I am usually able to tolerate all kinds of victims of indoctrination except those who have been infected with xenophobia, racism, or homophobia.
Chances are that there are white people who brag about being the first to move out of a suburb that has been intruded by blacks.
Back then: to be regarded as well-known, one had to be great. Today: to be regarded as great, one has to be well-known.
Some books sold because they are (said to be) great. Some are (said to be) great because they sold.
You can only manage to convince a person to admit to being wrong, not ignorant, arrogant, or stupid.
Not every person that speaks less than you do is more ignorant than you are.
Politics and Sport were invented to give unknowledgeable people an opportunity to share their knowledge.
To be enslaved then, you needed to be ignorant. To be enslaved today, you need to be knowledgeable.
A straight face is an ignorant man’s attempt to appear knowledgeable.
How much man likes or hates a person or a thing is dependent on how much he knows or does not know about the person or the thing.
Not all truths hurt. And not all that is hurtful is truthful.
To hear how much of a great human being you were — even if you really weren’t — open your ears at your funeral.
I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people’s faeces more disgusting than a bird’s droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all.
Thanks to his salary, an employee is free to eat whatever, wherever. However, because of his job, he is not free to eat whenever.
Work is a vehicle with which man chases some fleeting destination called a full tummy.
12% of employees eat because they are hungry. 88% of employees eat because it is 1 o’clock.
A healthy man watched what he ate. An intelligent man watched what he watched.
Eating a salad (in public) is an overweight person’s attempt to appear in control.
Never judge the deeds of a starving man while you’re on a full tummy.
For good health, watch what you eat. For a good head, watch what you watch.
Sustainability is best illustrated by those who sell food … just so they afford something to eat.
Eating healthy is expensive. Not eating healthy is expensive. One dents your pocket. The other dents your health.
Air freshener is man’s pitiful attempt to have his food smell as good, after digestion, as they did, before ingestion.
Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper.
Civilization transformed man from a food gatherer to a gatherer of pieces of paper: diplomas, employment contracts, money, etc.
He who says that someone isn’t himself is a victim of statistics.
An ID number is only there to ‘identify’ human beings. Use it to assume people’s intellect or wisdom at your own risk.
Because of the power that we have given money: The government would rather have taxpayers who do not vote, than voters who do not pay tax.
Intellect is the virtue of ignoring one’s emotions’ attempt to contaminate one’s opinions.
Religion is a non-alcoholic man’s alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man’s religion.
If heaven really exists: then, technically, living is an activity that believers keep themselves busy with — while they wait for their death.
In a society where women are truly equal to men, a kid bred by a theist mother and an atheist father is born an agnostic. In a patriarchal society, the kid is automatically an atheist.
I am against justice … whenever it is carried out by a mob.
If human beings were really progressive creatures, then all boys would be smarter, healthier, and, wealthier, than their grandfathers.
The name of a great writer is usually bigger than the title of his book. Both literally and figuratively.
A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date.
It is a sign of intellectual maturity to always crawl to conclusions.
Spam is a waste of the receivers’ time, and, a waste of the sender’s optimism.
To a fireman, wind is a curse. To a sailor, wind is a blessing.
To become richer, earn more. To appear richer, move into a poorer neighborhood.
To a homeless man, home is literally where the heart is.
As useful as an unhappy artist. As useless as a happy philosopher.
High heels are a short (theist) woman’s (subconscious) way of telling God to go to hell … in public.
If heaven really exists: then heaven is the job, hell is unemployment, while life is merely an interview.
What to wear: An employee chooses. How to dress: His employer chose.
A first-rate story is easily killed by second-rate design.
A bad handwriting is as annoying to a reader … as an irritating voice is to a listener.
If man was a logical creature: his last suspect—namely, his mouth—was going to be the first; whenever he thinks that someone, or, something is smelly.
Some days are better than others. The same can be said about people.
Life is an activity with which we kill time while we wait for something, someone, or the mere passage of time to kill us.
People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane, until we invented smartphones and social media.
Some people are so boring that you are more bored when you are with them … than when you are alone.
Life’s most rewarding forms of being: Being patient, and, being yourself.
A prisoner is imprisoned by the crime that he has committed. A jailer is imprisoned — in the very same prison — by the employment contract that he has signed.
A church service starts and ends with a prayer. A magazine starts and ends with an advert.
Between Monday and Saturday men make an audience. On Sunday, they make a congregation.
He who frowns when they say that he sucks shouldn’t smile when they say that he rocks.
A model’s opinion seldom matters. The only time that he is required to open his mouth is when he is required to smile at the camera.
12% of dreams create jobs. 88% of jobs destroy dreams.
Civilization is the commercialization of survival.
You cannot sensibly expect a starving ‘God-fearing’ man to honor the 8th commandment.
Before civilization, artists painted for the living. Today, most paint for a living.
Those who find it hypocritical of others to use, say, a smartphone, to speak ill of capitalism, needs to be reminded that capitalism is an ideology, not a technology.
Being forever available to the rest of the world is overrated. I mean, what are ‘missed calls’ invented for?
The longer a person’s twitter @username is, the harder it is to argue with them … on twitter.
Smartphones are tools which fools fiddle with when they are around people that they don’t have the courage, or, the intellect, to converse with.
A phone call should be a convenience to the caller, not an inconvenience to the called.
When you decide to meet—in person—someone that you met online, would you then be taking your relationship to the ‘previous’ level?
The civilized man is technologically ahead of — intellectually behind — his time.
A moral judgment of abortion is the usage of a man-made ideology to judge a man-made technology.
Employment is an employee’s kissing of an employer’s ass. A salary is the employer’s pretense to be cleaning his ass.
He who makes $25,000 annually through passive income is more enviable than he who earns $100,000 annually through a salary.
Retirement is the menopause of an employee’s mind and hands.
Professional’ does not necessarily mean that the person so labelled is good or knows what they are doing. In many a case, it merely means that they do whatever that they are a professional at for a living, not as a hobby.
Employment was invented to make education seem useful.
The garden is an unemployed township-based man’s cubicle.
Employment is slavery. Workers merely have a choice over where to serve their daily eight-hour sentence.
Employees go to school for 12 – 18 years merely to impress prospect employers in a 12 – 18 minutes interview.
School fools a lot of people. Professionally, one thing is not the most that one person can be.
When a man’s bank balance becomes too small, his woman flees. For a man to do the same, his woman’s body — or vagina — has to do the opposite.
Somebody is born. Somebody goes to school. Somebody learns to conform. Somebody types a CV. Somebody gets a job. Somebody follows orders. Somebody gets a golden watch. And then, eventually, Somebody dies. And, a Nobody is buried.
A genius does what he masters. An ordinary man tries to master what he does.
A job interview is a competition won by those who are qualified the most, and, those who are willing to be payed the least.
To a man, a woman is fun to be with … until she gains weight. To a woman, a man is fun to live with … until he loses his job.
12% of employees study further to learn more. 88% of employees study further to earn more.
Torn clothes are funny … until your dad gets fired.
Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.
We are so used to working that not working is the new hard work.
An employer’s fart is music to his employees’ ears.
Weekends are life’s gift to those who hate their jobs.
We’re all geniuses. Life is merely overpopulated with singers who play drums, and, drummers who sing, to pay rent.
Self-employed people work where they live. Entrepreneurs live where they work.
An education system is best belittled when the so-called educated gets hired by a company that’s owned by a so-called dropout.
Periods are a period when nature forces prostitutes to go on leave.
Once employed, the employed’s friends are reduced to creatures that he only sees when he has a new problem, or, something new to show off.
School is a factory where the raw material called student is turned into a product called employee.
Literacy makes man a victim of advertising. Education makes him a victim of employment.
To drive a woman away, tell her that you are unemployed. To bore her, tell her that you are single.
Most self-employed people remain slaves to the employed’s working hours.
You know you are capitalism’s ideal puppet (and that education betrayed you) when winning the lottery is your only chance to realizing financial freedom.
If employment really cared about employees, people wouldn’t have to work until retirement comes to their rescue.
If being seen as worthy of employing is the best that school does for the schooled, then school is overrated.
Most employees are smarter than their employers. All employers are braver than their employees.
A promotion is an illusionary solution out of an indebted employee’s pit of debt.
The more civilized people are, the more honorable working hard is to them. As a result, the more civilized we get, the less we live.
Absolute freedom is an illusion. For while an employed man might be free from starvation, he is a slave to his employer’s financial aspirations, and, working-hours.
Belonging to the working class is the economy’s punishment for those who did what they were told to do in class.
Schooling is a manufacturing process whereby the raw material called curious boys is turned into products called obedient men.
Granted, not all uneducated women are prostitutes, and, not all prostitutes are uneducated. However, where building a family is employment, an uneducated woman’s womb is her diploma.
School programs the schooled to type a CV. Life inspires the unschooled to type a business plan.
Education inspires the educated to think for themselves. Schooled programs the schooled to work for others.
Alcohol is evil … until your loved one gets employed by a brewery.
Retirement is a stage where an employer discards an employee that he cannot exploit further.
Old Age homes are civilization’s dumpsites for human beings who it cannot exploit further.
Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work.
A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract.
If working-hours were natural, then employed men would only get erections between 5 p.m. and 9 a.m. … during the week.
Employees leave where they work. Employers live where they work.
To some people, employment is a distraction. To all entertainers, distraction is employment.
The difference between a retiring man and a used condom is that the condom isn’t given a golden watch to inspire the illusion that it still matters to whomever that has just used it.
Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee’s smoke break.
Give a typical employee a million, and, he is most likely to use the money to print his CV on fancier paper.
An employee is sheep. His employer is the shepherd. His salary is grass.
Not everyone who has helped or is helping you wanted or wants to help you.
Sleeping is the most common attempt to temporarily escape reality.
Life is merely one very long day that routinely gets dark to give people a sensible excuse to keep their eyes closed for 8 hours.
An enlightened thinker does not waste his precious time thinking about what others think of what he thinks.
Sense isn’t democratic. An opinion uttered by 99 people does not necessarily make more sense than an opposing opinion that was uttered by one person.
Sense isn’t democratic. A senseless opinion that’s advocated by ‘the majority’ is still senseless.
A ‘black’ man who draws a ‘black’ person with big lips is called observant. A ‘white’ man who does the same is called a racist.
Not all ‘whites’ are racists. Not all racists are ‘white.
Nobody enjoys the company of others as intensely as someone who usually avoids the company of others.
Women who do not play hard to get are hard to get.
Money cannot buy you love. But it sure can buy you things that some people will love you for having.
Once a woman goes over 25, she prioritizes ‘financial security’ in a potential lover. Love and good looks are just a bonus.
A wedding is a ceremony men fund with money they know they don’t have … to prove the love they think they have.
Most people can’t stand spending a few minutes by themself. Yet they expect others to spend an hour, a day, or, even a lifetime, with them.
You know you’ve reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh.
Not every happy person is married, and, Not every married person is happy.
Some wo/men are so possessive … you end up missing missing them.
The phrase *You complete me* is nonsensical. A couple is a *we* … not a complete *me.*
Those who say that money can’t buy you love make it sound as if love can buy you money.
Marriage is the commodification of affection, copulation, and, reproduction.
A broke man’s lover doesn’t feel ‘loved’ on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine’s Day.
A humanitarian seldom makes a good lover. For a lover’s world revolves around their lover, while a humanitarian’s world revolves around the world.
Be ashamed not of being single, or, unemployed. That comes standard.
Generally, a woman would rather be married to any man that she doesn’t hate, than remain unmarried to a man that she loves.
A ‘good man’ is a male creature that survives the endless episodes that its woman spends complaining about women who she hates, and, women who hate her.
Courtship is an activity whereby one losses oneself … whilst trying to win someone’s love.
If love wasn’t conditional, every single first encounter with individuals of your ‘preferred’ gender would result in *love at first sight.*
Courting is an activity where a man and a woman flaunt their virtues. Dating is an activity where life exposes the other’s vices.
Marriage and dating are man-made ideologies; if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, we’d all be born in pairs; as couples.
Not smoking is not an achievement. Like virginity, it comes standard.
Capitalism has turned human beings into commodities. To the owner of a restaurant: the cook and a bag of potatoes are equally important.
If unconventional ideas = sperm, then public opinion = abortion.
Opinions of the masses kill the ‘extra’ in an ‘extraordinary’ idea.
Public opinion is to an unconventional idea … what abortion is to sperm.
Committees kill unconventional ideas for a living.
We can’t all be comedians, some people have to do the laughing.
98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed.
Though you can love what you do not master, you cannot master what you do not love.
With homework, school prepares students for overtime. With reports, it prepares them for payday.
To be better equipped for the tests that the year will bring — read a textbook. To prepare for the tests that life will bring — read a book.
A true survivor is someone who, after 12+ years of being schooled, remains independent in their thinking.
School forces unique individuals to think, act, and, look alike.
School overpopulates students’ minds with too much of what happened yesterday; seldom with what the students can do today, or, tomorrow.
You don’t really need to be intelligent to be a ‘top student.’ All that you have to do is to forget the least in an exam.
A face-lift is a woman’s attempt to lower the odds of the next person accurately guessing her age.
A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist.
Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve. Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve.
Life enslaves the poor by giving them problems that money can resolve, or, dissolve
Whenever they are given the choice, some people choose a bath over a shower; they, too, would like to do their bit to waste water.
In some cases, people with a body (whose size) they did not long for are victims of having a bank balance (whose size) they longed for.
Retro is a symptom of a generation that is too lazy to innovate.
Primary purposes of a mirror: (1) To help civilized men realize their imperfections, and, (2) To help the imperfect hide their imperfections.
If love wasn’t conditional, everybody would be in love with everybody.
Eyes are a deaf man’s ears. Ears are a blind man’s eyes.
If we really exist merely to fulfill God’s plan: then life is a television drama; with God being the scriptwriter, the director, and, the audience.
Getting older comes with abilities. Being old comes with disabilities.
The only things that old age comes standard with: grey hair and wrinkles. Wisdom and intellect are earned.
To flatter a young man, tell him that you thought that he was older than he is. To flatter an old woman, tell her that you thought that she was younger than she is.
Back then: to be paid more, one needed to increase the number of things that are by him known. Today: to be paid more, one needs to increase the number of people by whom he is known.
As uncomfortable as it might be, I refuse to let the comfort of being agreed with suffocate my opinions.
Not everybody that says that you suck is a hater. There are people who suck.
Most people say that Shakespeare rocked merely because most people say that Shakespeare rocked.
I will only start taking book reviews seriously from the day that books are able to review readers.
Generally, people need less than a quarter of what they want.
A slave that acknowledges its enslavement is halfway to its liberation.
We are slaves whose masters are dead. For we are mostly controlled by doctrines which were established centuries heretofore.
To halve the number of times that other people hurt you: halve the number of expectations that you have from other people.
Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters.
Being rich is an untalented artist’s consolation prize.
Most people do not have a problem with you thinking for yourself, as long as your conclusions are the same as or at least compatible with their beliefs.
Religion makes people kill each other. Science supplies them with weapons.
Beliefs are conclusions reached by men who are lazy to think for themselves.
Though man needs to live to believe, he does not need to believe to live.
Chomie’ is South African homosexual men’s unofficial name.
People who smoke would have probably been regarded as fools or insane, if only a percentage of people who smoke smoked.
To be called insane: challenge convention. To be called possessed: challenge religion.
A paparazzi is merely an extremely nosy nobody with a camera—and bills to pay.
The media made the masses to find not-so-skinny women appear not-so-beautiful … in the eyes of the remote holder.
*Nothing is free* asserts two things. Both assertions are true.
Facebook gives people an illusory sense of being LIKED.
Reality is a hallucination shared by most sane men.
To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you’ve lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you.
Twitter gives people an illusionary sense of leadership.
A push-up bra is to a woman’s chest … what ‘breathing-in’ is to a man’s stomach.
Tomorrow is like ‘there.’ Once you get ‘there,’ it is called ‘here.’ So, technically, life is a set of Todays.
Life punishes those who have things in abundance by making them worry about petty things like: what to wear, or, which car to drive.
You know a man is interesting when you forget to notice how expensive — or cheap — his clothes are.
I am obsessed with not being obsessed with acquiring material things.
Most employees don’t really want to be highly-paid; they just want to earn more than their peers, and, more importantly, more than their neighbours.
Nothing humbles a rich man better than a poor man that isn’t willing to do ‘anything’ for money.
Don’t obsess over having the ‘latest’ version of a product. For there was a time that the previous version was the latest.
Those who say that money can’t buy one love make it sound as if love can buy one money.
Man would rather be loved for what he has, than be hated for what he lacks.
We sometimes take photos (or record a video) so that we can later see what was happening while we were busy taking photos (or recording a video).
To a man with an internet connection, every thought and every movement sounds like a tweet or status update.
The religious worry about life after death at the expense of life before death.
Being in a hurry is the father of stress and worry.
Chances are that whatever that you are worried about—be it a person or a thing—isn’t worried about you.
Worry is to human beings … what a condom is to a man with erectile dysfunction.
A live broke man is ‘luckier’ than a dead rich man.
What ‘primitive’ men called gossip, ‘civilized’ men call news.
People who get offended by your not saying ‘Thank you!’ … after they’ve paid you a compliment were merely desperate to be thanked.
Once born, how long a man will live matters. Once dead, how long he has lived doesn’t.
People who talk too much are tiresome, especially those who are not informative, thought-provoking, or funny.
Social networking platforms drove man closer to those in neighboring continents, while driving him further apart from those in his neighborhood.
Thou shalt not unfollow someone, merely because they stopped following you.
Thou shalt not follow someone, merely because they are following you.
Thanks to the internet, you can provoke thoughts of those in mansions, from the uncomfortableness of your shack.
Thou shalt not think that thou be a leader, merely because thee be having more than 0 followers.
Hypocrisy is when you get mad at a friend for telling their other friend a secret that your other friend told you.
Do not treat others as you would not like to be treated’ frees one from hypocrisy. ‘Treat others as you would like to be treated’ enslaves one with insincerity.
Though you can get smart from reading everything that a smart person writes, you cannot get famous from reading about everything that a famous person does or is said to have done.
A celebrity is an object that the media manufactures today, just so they have a subject tomorrow.
Sun glasses are the unofficial celebrities’ uniform.
To put an arrogant ‘famous’ singer in her place: pretend to be deaf.
Expensive clothing is a poor man’s attempt to appear prosperous.
Life humbles the rich by giving them problems that money can’t resolve, or, dissolve.
Not every happy person is rich, and, Not every rich person is happy.
Reading leads to knowing more. Knowing more leads to arrogance. Reading further leads to humbleness.
Saying that someone is full of themselves is silly. Who else can one be full of … except self?
In the Bible, a woman was made from a man. In real life, a man is made from a woman.
Some women are good-looking … until they change their hairstyle.
*You only get one chance to make a first impression.* Ah, whatever!!! Who said you get three chances to make the second impression?!!
Technically, according to the notion of the will of God, there is no such a thing as a competent surgeon.
Man is more likely to believe an opinion that he wanted to hear … than a fact that he wishes was an opinion.
The boring thing about being interesting is that you bore boring people.
Interviews were invented to make journalism less passive. Instead of waiting for something to happen, journalists ask someone what should or could happen.
An editor is someone who is paid to tell a writer what she thinks about how he wrote what he thinks about.
Speaking one’s mind once is more honorable than quoting a thousand men.
Insurance companies sell what might happen tomorrow. Historians sell what certainly happened yesterday.
We are all ‘foreigners’ to [the remainder of: the human race minus our countrymen].
A killer is someone who killed another without their country’s permission.
He who makes fun of a short and fat man’s weight is much less cruel than he who makes fun of his height.
Dear Whoever-that-just-found-out-that-they-have-a-terminal-illness, don’t let that put you down. Technically, we are all dying.