By the time you swear you’re his,Shivering and sighing.And he vows his passion is,Infinite, undying.Lady make note of this –One of you is lying.
In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his theories.But now I know the things I knowAnd do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you.
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.
The sun’s gone dim, and the moon’s gone black. For I loved him, and he didn’t love back.
Where’s the man that could ease a heart like a satin gown?
And if my heart be scarred and burned,The safer, I, for all I learned.
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I don’t know much about being a millionaire, but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.
I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.
There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”, Summer 1956]
I don’t care what is written about me so long as it isn’t true.
Four be the things I’d have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are ‘cheque enclosed.
If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Be you wise and never sad,You will get your lovely lad.Never serious be, nor true,And your wish will come to you–And if that makes you happy, kid,You’ll be the first it ever did.
Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it’s always just my luck to get one perfect rose.
And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.
If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains 🙂
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.
It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.
There’s life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.
Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,Painter or plumber or never-do-well,Do me a favor and shut your face -Poets alone should kiss and tell.
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets…. you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.
This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
Now to me, Edith looks like something that would eat her young.
Why, that dog is practically a Phi Beta Kappa. She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don’t say she will but she can.
Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studdedwheelchair.
She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.
Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.
I shudder at the thought of men….I’m due to fall in love again
Some men break your heart in two,Some men fawn and flatter,Some men never look at you;And that cleans up the matter.
If wild my breast and sore my pride,I bask in dreams of suicide,If cool my heart and high my headI think ‘How lucky are the dead.
I never see that prettiest thing-A cherry bough gone white with Spring-But what I think, “How gay ‘twould beTo hang me from a flowering tree.
A Very Short Song Once, when I was young and true, Someone left me sad- Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.
London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it.
Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you’ll live through the night.
You think You’re frightening me with Your hell, don’t You? You think Your hell is worse than mine.
She realizes she doesn’t know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,a medley of extemporanea,And love is a thing that can never go wrong,and I am Marie of Romania.
If I didn’t care for fun and such,I’d probably amount to much.But I shall stay the way I am,Because I do not give a damn.
Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away.
Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year.
Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful You might as well live.
It cost me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. ‘Aha my little dear’ I say ‘Your clan will pay me back one day.’
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant – and let the air out of the tires.
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
Lips that taste of tears they say are the best for kissing.
He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.
Where’s the man could ease the heart Like a satin gown?
I don’t know much about being a millionaire but I’ll bet I’d be darling at it.
There was never a place for her in the ranks of the terrible slow army of the cautious. She ran ahead where there were no paths.
I shall stay the way I am Because I do not give a damn.
She realizes she doesn’t know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
Wit has truth in it wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
The two most beautiful words in the English language are “cheque enclosed”.