To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that’s both is dental.
Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;She thinks she scolds because he drinks;And nether will admit what’s true,That he’s a sot and she’s a shrew.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
To keep your marriage brimming,With love in the loving cup,Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;Whenever you’re right, shut up.”~Happy birthday Ogden Nash! (born 8.19.1902)
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.
He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who’s served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance.
…I would not engage the wombatIn any form of mortal combat.
Were it not for frustration and humiliationI suppose the human race would get ideas above its station.
Middle age: when you’re sitting at home on Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
Senescence begins And middle age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends.
Middle age is when you have met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else and usually is.
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
Another good thing about gossip is that it is within everybody’s reach And it is much more interesting than any other form of speech.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Some people’s money is merited and other people’s is inherited.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin with a grin.
The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can’t cure.
Poets aren’t very useful because they aren’t consumeful or very produceful.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Progress might have been all right once but it’s gone on too long.
One bliss for which there is no match is when you itch to up and scratch.
There are people who are very resourceful At being remorseful And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends Is to do something terrible and then make amends.
Here lies my past Goodbye I have kissed it Thank you kids I wouldn’t have missed it.
Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you’re wrong, admit it; Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.
Middle age is when you’ve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money?