All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
You are all a lost generation,” Gertrude Stein said to Hemingway. We weren’t lost. We knew where we were, all right, but we wouldn’t go home. Ours was the generation that stayed up all night.
You have made the moon,” The Jester said. “That is the moon.
Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.
Time is for dragonflies and angels. The former live too little and the latter live too long.
Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.
I’ll never know the right answer for sex and marriage, sense and mirage.
Art – the one achievement of man which has made the long trip up from all fours seem well advised
Live life by the abc’s…adventure, bravery and creativity.
Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
She has a memory of trees and fields and nothing more.
The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.
On his misfit globe he has outlasted the mammoth and the pterodactyl, but he has never got the upper hand of bacteria and the insects.
…I would be the last person to say that madness is not a solution.
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance.
Taking a single letter from the alphaber,” he said, “should make life simpler.””I don’t see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It’s adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder.
I’m sixty-five but if there were fifteen months in every year I’d only be forty-eight.
Let us not look back in anger nor forward in fear but around us in awareness.
It’s a naive domestic burgundy without any breeding but I think you’ll be amused by its presumption.
Humour is emotional chaos remembered in tranquillity.
Her own mother lived the latter years of her life in the horrible suspicion that electricity was dripping invisibly all over the house.
All men should strive to learn before they die what they are running from and to and why.
A lady of forty-seven who has been married twenty-seven years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.’
Though statisticians in our time have never kept the score man wants a great deal here below and Woman even more.
I have always thought of a dog lover as a dog that was in love with another dog.
Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear-end collision and Man will never know that what hit him from behind was Man.
You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.
The difference between our decadence and the Russians’ is that while theirs is brutal ours is apathetic.
The wit makes fun of other persons the satirist makes fun of the world the humorist makes fun of himself.
The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth.
Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
Comedy has to be done en clair. You can’t blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear.
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
I hate women because they always know where things are.
I think that maybe if women and children were in charge we would get somewhere.
The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals.
Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.
But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody’s guess.