I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world.
I think when men hear that women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anywhere. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life.
That’s what I’ve noticed about being 32: it is a lot of women and a lot of boys our age.
One friend with whom you have a lot in common is better than three with whom you struggle to find things to talk about.
Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.
One very gratifying compliment I sometimes hear is that women want to be my best friend. This endlessly amuses my actual best friend, Jocelyn, because in her estimation I’m ‘a good friend, but not that great.
If you believe in yourself and work hard, your dreams will come true
If you believe in yourself and work hard, your dreams will come
There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.
There was no whimsical ‘sip of wine at Thanksgiving’ for us kids while we were still teenagers. This was the Clinton era, and my parents were already worried about the moral deterioration of the country.
I especially like eavesdropping on women my age. Besides being titillating, it also helps me gauge where I’m at in comparison.
Later, when you’re grown up, you realize you never really get to hang out with your family. You pretty much have only eighteen years to spend with them full time, and that’s it.
If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it. ‘Cause what are we even doing here if we’re not flaunting it?
I really think guys only need two pairs of shoes. A nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors.
The expectation that TV women need to be more likeable than men is bullshit and in need of a change.
I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it.
In my entire life, I never once heard either of my parents say they were stressed. That was just not a phrase I grew up being allowed to say. That, and the concept of “Me time”.
when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.
It’s sort of my go-to stock image of my childhood, actually. I think it has something to do with knowing I’ll never be able to go back to that time that makes me cry every time I listen to it.
What I didn’t need was some hot-and-cold long-distance flake wasting my time. It hurt my feelings and made me feel like something was wrong with me.
This story didn’t end in fireworks, because the truth is, fireworks are something from my twenties. I could have made fireworks, but I chose to make a nuanced memory of a person who is neither a hero nor a villain in my life.
It’d be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it’s totally obvious to everyone that I did it.
I’m the kind of person who becomes silent when I get scared, because I hope Death will not notice me if I am very still and very quiet. It has worked well so far.
I lost my mind. I lunged at him and inhaled all of his fries standing up a foot away from the trash can. No food is as delicious as food you eat standing a foot away from a trash can. Ask any possum.
My parents were supportive of my creativity but did not have a lot of patience for whimsy with zero production value. They had stuff to do.
There is a certain type of greasy hair that you get only when you are writing with no breaks.
I think sometimes people think cheerful is a synonym for dumb, so no one is ever cheerful.
No one ever wants to hear about how stressed out anyone else is, because most of the time everyone is stressed out. Going on and on in detail about how stressed out I am isn’t a conversation. It’ll never lead anywhere.
Just bear a passing resemblance to a fictional romantic trope I like and I will love you forever. We’re all just trying to find the Mark Darcy of our workplace, aren’t we?
I don’t really like organizations where people are “deemed” things.
Almost every college playwright or sketch or improv comedian was sort of aware of Christopher Durang – even kids in high school. His short plays were so accessible to younger people and I think that was inspirational to me.
We always think of a diet with a big groan. But I think diets are fun. I think it is an American pastime for a lot of women.
My relationship with my mom is really the single most profound relationship that I’ve ever had in my life.
I regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world operates according to different rules than my regular human world.
I have such a rich fantasy life, I can’t help it. I do make up a lot of romantic stories in my head.
When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome.
On ‘The Office,’ so much of the show is about disguising your true feelings and your romantic feelings because it was a mock documentary.