I understood that as much as I had resisted the outside, as much as I had constricted my life, as much as I had closed and narrowed the channels into me, there were still many takers for the quiet heart.
Some people have a way with words, and other people…oh, uh, not have way.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything.
Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.
she is nearing forty and not so easily forgiven as when her skin bloomed like roses.
You want to know how I think art should be taught to children? Take them to a museum and say, ‘This is art, and you can’t do it.
Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
Thankfully, perseverance is a great substitute for talent.
I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
If you’ve got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve got 71 cents left; But if you’ve got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you’ve still got seventeen grand. There’s a math lesson for you.
I was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a by-product. The course was more plodding than heroic: I did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps studded with a few intuitive leaps.
…teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
Free love, man, Free Love! Which, by the way, was the single greatest concept a young man has ever heard. About three years late, women got wise an my frustration returned to normal levels.
Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.
Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
…just remember, darling, it is pain that changes our lives.
And after his unparsable response, including a passage where he said he was ‘blurring the boundaries between a thing and thought,’ she said, ‘Thank you, I get lost sometimes,’ while laying two fingers on his folded arm.
I love technology, and I love science. It’s just always all in the way you use it. So there’s no – you can’t really blame anything on the technology. It’s just the way people use it, and it always has been.
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
I’ve always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they’re just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.
You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies – all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
When I was in college, I really liked poetry. I don’t read much anymore.