Love and respect all people. Hate and destroy all faith.
Once you’ve condoned faith in general, you’ve condoned any crazy shit done because of faith.
But [he] had lost god, and all his family and friends were staying behind with his imaginary friend. A silly dream goes away and takes with it your whole real life.
As I’m fond of saying, if you want to find utopia, take a sharp right on money and a sharp left on sex and it’s straight ahead.
Democracy without respect for individual rights sucks. It’s just ganging up against the weird kid, and I’m always the weird kid.
You don’t have to be brave or a saint, a martyr, or even very smart to be an atheist. All you have to be able to say is “I don’t know”.
If there’s something you really want to believe, that’s what you should question the most.
Has any non-dipshit man ever used the word “ladies” not followed by the word “room”?
In any conflict, the crazier party generally wins.
We are only here for a little while, and our bodies belong to ourselves and no one else.
Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don’t need religion.
A lot of people, to attack an outspoken atheist, one of the things they’ll do is say, ‘You are as bad as the fundamentalist Christians.’ And my answer is always, ‘I hope so.’
The highest ideals are human intelligence, creativity and love. Respect these above all.
Bacon is so good by itself that to put it in any other food is an admission of failure. You’re basically saying, ‘I can’t make this other food taste good, so I’ll throw in bacon.’
A joke is a way to say, ‘I’m going to do something funny now. If I don’t get a laugh at the end, I’m a failure.’
I’m always fascinated by the use of the first-person plural talking about sports.
My whole family is missing that sports gene. I hope I didn’t screw that up by marrying a great golfer.
My love of computers, besides being practical, is very direct and visceral. I love the way things look on the screen.
Whereas you have someone like Houdini, who works really, really hard to get really, really famous, and then has actual intellectual ideas that he puts into the culture that stay there.
I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.
Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it’s amazing how many people get that.
If you like the stuff I do, my chances of liking you go up.
I don’t want anyone as president who promises to take care of me. I may be stupid, but I want a chance to try to be a grown-up and take care of my family.
Counterintuitive actions prove we can trust real knowledge and do the opposite of what we feel makes sense.
I will not counter the insanity of the PATRIOT Act with an overblown fear of my rights being taken away.
I’m totally against straight marriage – even though I’m married. I don’t think heterosexual marriage is any of the government’s business.
For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.
My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15.
I’m not bothered by the idea of getting old, or I guess you could say by having arrived at old. I was 10 when my mom turned 55. For 1955, she was a very old mom.
My mom, if you asked her if she was interested in whether or not people gambled, would say no.
We need a president who realizes that there’s no government business in show business.
My hair is way, way long. I’ve hitchhiked across the country a zillion times. I’ve ridden in every car. I was never a hippie. It takes more than long hair.
To drive a car in rural America is freedom. Before I had a car, I’d never seen a rock and roll show, I’d never seen a comic or a show.
I’ve never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.
I’m a hardcore libertarian – I want everything legal – but I also believe that you have the right to free association.