Mistakes are a part of being human. Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
WHAT DO WE WANT?! PATIENCE! WHEN DO WE WANT IT?! NOW!
Today I will masterbate!Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!
When the president during the campaign said he was against nation building, I didn’t realize he meant our nation.
You’re not supposed to have to be rich or lucky to have a chance to do great things. Opportunity is supposed to be for everyone. And that’s why I’m a Democrat.
If we don’t start caring about whether people tell the truth or not, it’s going to be literally impossible to restore anything approaching reasonable political discourse.
When you encounter seemingly good advice that contradicts other seemingly good advice, ignore them both.
The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They’re about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.
Humor and seriousness are not in opposition to each other.
If you look at terrorists, they really have no sense of humor.
Bob Dole used to be really funny. Barney Frank can be kind of funny. Bob Kerrey has a good sense of humor.
There is – I mean – I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
There’s plenty of room for humor in politics, God knows, but it’s a serious business.
The Founders who crafted our Constitution and Bill of Rights were careful to draft a Constitution of limited powers – one that would protect Americans’ liberty at all times – both in war, and in peace.
My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O’Reilly is kind of a bully, and he’s the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground. And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, ‘Teacher, sue him.’
My daughter became a teacher right out of college.
Teen pregnancy went way down in the ’90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.
When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.
I’m part of the mushball middle. I consider ‘confused’ the majority position because, thankfully, most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time – even when they’re wrong.
When I first started writing for television in the seventies and eighties, the Internet didn’t exist, and we didn’t need to worry about foreign websites illegally distributing the latest TV shows and blockbuster movies online.
I’ve never understood why we would want to deny all the joys – and the challenges – of marriage to anyone. Which is why I think any loving, committed couple – gay or straight – should be able to get married.
National security laws must protect national security. But they must also protect the public trust and preserve the ability of an informed electorate to hold its government to account.
Apple has long been a leading innovator of mobile technology I myself own an iPhone.
My dad didn’t graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year. My mom sold real estate and did it part time.
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government. They talked about unreasonable searches and seizures, about keeping the government out of their bedrooms.
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it’s a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.
It’s hard to have that debate around secret programs authorized by secret legal opinions issued by a secret court. Actually, it’s impossible to have that debate.
My dad never graduated high school. He was a printing salesman. We lived in a two-bedroom, one-bath house in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. We weren’t rich – but we felt secure.
My views about God come from my dad. Dad told me that he believed Nature, which to him included humankind, to be so beautiful, so magnificent, that there had to be something behind it all.
My parents didn’t make a lot of money. My dad was not a high school graduate – he didn’t have a career as such he was a printing salesman essentially for most of his working life.
My dad loved comedians, especially George Jessel, and he loved Henny Youngman and Buddy Hackett.