Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.
Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. — Dogbert’s Motto
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
Of the big five factors in happiness—flexible schedule, imagination, diet, exercise, and sleep—my pick for the most important is exercise.
Success caused passion more than passion caused success.
Everyone is an idiot, not just the people with low SAT scores. The only differences among us is that we’re idiots about different things at different times. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
The Cheesecake Factory is a great business model, but if you take your wife there for your 25th wedding anniversary, you might not reach your 26th.
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
Idiocy in the modern age isn’t an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It’s a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time.
Lately…the Peter Principle has given way to the “Dilbert Principle.” The basic concept of the Dilbert Principle is that the most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.
Theory of Evolution (Summary)First, there were some amoebas. Deviant amoebas adapted better to the environment, thus becoming monkeys. Then came Total Quality Management.
Things that will someday work out well start out well. Things that will never work start out bad and stay that way.
If I liked food and disliked exercise as much as a 400 pound guy, I’d be a 400 pound guy.
You can change only what people know, not what they do.
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public
You don’t have to be a person of influence to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they’ve taught me.
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
Beware of advice about successful people and their methods. For starters, no two situations are alike. Your dreams of creating a dry-cleaning empire won’t be helped by knowing that Thomas Edison liked to take naps.
It doesn’t take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.
Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom.
The greenest home is the one you don’t build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that’s already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don’t want.
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.
There’s kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat if you don’t pet her for 10 minutes she’ll bother you for six hours.
Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that’s O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.
In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn’t have to ride around with jerks.
Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.