I think people would live a bit longer if they didn’t know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.
It wouldn’t happen… There hasn’t been one publication by a monkey
The problem I have with all this religion stuff is that I can’t relate to it. I think most people got into ‘cos it gave them something to do on a Sunday, but since all the shops are now open it isn’t required as much.
I know who I am. Bloody hell, I’m getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, ‘cos if I’m not, I have no idea who I’m paying for.
They keep saying that sea levels are rising an’ all this. It’s nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it’s because there’s too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.
I find that if you just talk, your mouth comes up with stuff.
She gave me the jabs and said I was covered for every worst-case scenario, including being bitten by a dirty chimp. I told her this is why we have over-population problems. Why are idiots who annoy dirty chimps being protected?
I thought the fart was a human thing. It’s something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.
I’d heard street food was a big thing here in Mexico but I didn’t think it meant the creatures that lived on the street.
It’s interesting to see that people had so much clutter even thousands of years ago. The only way to get rid of it all was to bury it, and then some archaeologist went and dug it all up.
The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn’t have any tattoos… but we never saw his wife.
I don’t really like surprises. Not big ones anyway. Just having a pack of Revels holds enough of a surprise for me.
A block of blood should not have the word “cake” after it…they might as well say “shite gateau
Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain?
[Jellyfish] are 97% water or something, so how much are they doing? Just give them another 3% and make them water. It’s more useful.
Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.
At the end of the day, teachers aren’t going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, ’cause it was never gonna happen. We can’t all be brainy, can we? That’s just the way the world is.
The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death.
To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don’t need any spoiling or looking after.
I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn’t wait to get off the stage.
I found that being with happy positive people annoys me.
To be honest, marriage doesn’t scare me and that, it’s just once you’ve been together for so long, if you haven’t got any kids it’s just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn’t it?
I’m not that lazy, but I don’t need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life.
I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I’m not great.
I’m not a proper traveler. I don’t like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax.
Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched ‘University Challenge.’ The onion was probably the highlight.
People eat duck and you think, well, we’ve got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!
And we’ve got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.