I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.
I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.
It was a woman who drove me to drink – and you know I never even thanked her.
Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
No man is boss in his own home but he can make up for it by making a dog play dead.
When asked to borrow money: “I’ll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes I’ll get another lawyer.”
If at first you don’t succeed try try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
It was a woman who drove me to drink – and you know I never even thanked her.
Women are like elephants. They are interesting to look at but I wouldn’t like to own one.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it’s only a question of degree.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
Sleep – the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.