Garcia wondered why people with JESUS stickers on their bumper always drove twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. If God was my co-pilot, he thought, I’d be doing a hundred and twenty.
I’m waiting for the day when Rush Limbaugh’s pharmacist writes a book.
Dessert was an over baked chocolate chip cookies the size of a hockey puck and just about as tasty.
From the bow of the canoe she asked, “Do you know a rain dance?””First I need a virgin.
…Right now there’s a pair of bad cops on their way out here to shoot me.””You don’t know that.””Yeah, you’re right,” Stranahan said. “They’re probably just collecting Toys for Tots. Now go.
Sunset on the water ought to be a quiet and easy time, but I guess some people can’t stand a little silence.
The classroom fell quiet, a long heavy silence that roared in Roy’s ears like a train.
As far as I’m concerned, the gator that ate T.C. deserves a medal from Crime Stoppers.
Just because something was legal didn’t automatically make it right.
My father’s a large man, very strong, but he says fighting is for people who can’t win with their brains. He also says there are times when you’ve got no choice but to defend yourself from common morons.
Actually it was the mark of the stupid, which is what you get for sitting under a tree during a thunderstorm.
Humor can be an incredible, lacerating and effective weapon.
My books are shelved in different places, depending on the bookstore. Sometimes they can be found in the Mystery section, sometimes in the Humor department, and occasionally even in the Literature aisle, which is somewhat astounding.
Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.
One problem with age is that patience begins to ebb.
I never laugh or smile when I am writing. When I come home for lunch after writing all morning, my wife says I look like I just came home from a funeral. This is not bragging. This is an illness.
You can do the best research and be making the strongest intellectual argument, but if readers don’t get past the third paragraph you’ve wasted your energy and valuable ink.
I’ve always enjoyed making people laugh. But in order for me to be funny, I have to get ticked off about something.
My humour has always come from anger, but I have to make sure I don’t just get angry and jump on a soapbox.