Eleanor was right. She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.
Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive.
What are the chances you’d ever meet someone like that? he wondered. Someone you could love forever, someone who would forever love you back? And what did you do when that person was born half a world away? The math seemed impossible.
Happily ever after, or even just together ever after, is not cheesy,” Wren said. “It’s the noblest, like, the most courageous thing two people can shoot for.
Every woman wants a man who’ll fall in love with her soul as well as her body.
The first time he’d held her hand, it felt so good that it crowded out all the bad things. It felt better than anything had ever hurt.
She smiled, and her eyes started to drift downward. “Cather…” Back up to his eyes.”You know that I’m falling in love with you, right?
It was the nicest thing she could imagine. It made her want to have his babies and give him both of her kidneys.
My girlfriend is sad and quiet and keeps me up all night worrying about her.
I want someone whose heart is big enough to hold me.
What you are is a fucking tragedy, Simon Snow. You literally couldn’t be a bigger mess.”He tries to kiss me, but I pull back- “And you like that?””I love it.” He says”Why?””Because we match.
Can’t you just like a girl who likes you back?”None of them likes me back. I may as well like the one I really want.
I didn’t know love could leave the lights on all the time.
You think I’m cute?” He said thinkly, pulling on her hand.She was glad he couldn’t see her face. “I think you’re…”Beautiful. Breathtaking. Like the person in a Greek myth who makes one of the gods stop caring about being a god.
I’m sort of… coming off a bad relationship”“When did it end?”“Slightly before it started.
She wanted to lose herself in him. To tie his arms around her like a tourniquet.If she showed him how much she needed him, he’d run away.
If you can’t save your own life, is it even worth saving?
I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even want to start this day because then I’ll just be expected to finish it.
Don’t bite his face, Eleanor told herself. It’s disturbing and needy and never happens in situation comedies or movies that end with big kisses.
Well,” she said. “I’m frustrated.”“Don’t make me angry-kiss you.”“Give me the laundry.”“Tempers rising, faces flushed … This is how it happens.
I really am happy for Kiley. And for you and every other happily married lady. Except for that I’m not happy for you. I kind of want you all to drop dead.
There’s no reason to think we’re going to stop loving each other,’ he said. ‘And there’s every reason to think that we won’t.
I’m ending this.”No. Come on. It’s not worth it.”You are,’ he said fiercely, looking at her.’You’re worth it.
Parfois, écrire se rapproche de la chute libre : vos doigts s’agitent sur le clavier comme vos jambes dans le vide.
Sometimes writing is running downhill, your fingers jerking behind you on the keyboard the way your legs do when they can’t quite keep up with gravity.
When I’m writing my own stuff, it’s like swimming upstream. Or … falling down a cliff and grabbing at branches, trying to invent the branches as I fall.
I didn’t know someone could love me like this,” she said. “Could love me and love me and love me without…needing space.”Lincoln wasn’t asleep. He rolled on top of her.”There’s no air in space,” he said.
I believe that worrying about a bad thing prepares you for it when it comes. If you worry, the bad thing doesn’t hit you as hard. You can roll with the punch if you see it coming.
Months are different in college, especially freshman year. Too much happens. Every freshman month equals six regular months—they’re like dog months.
I don’t like hello. It makes me sound like I have dementia, like I’ve never heard a phone ring before and I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next. Hello?
He leaned against her, pressing his shoulder into hers. “Don’t be mad at me,” he said, sighing. “It makes me crazy.””I’m never mad at you,” she said.”Right.””I’m not.””You must just be mad near me a lot.
I don’t trust anybody. Not anybody. And the more that I care about someone, the more sure I am they’re going to get tired of me and take off.
Wasn’t hitting bottom the thing you had to do to knock some sense into yourself? Wasn’t hitting bottom the thing that showed you which way was up?
He’d stopped trying to bring her back. She only came back when she felt like it anyway, in dreams and lies and broken-down déjà vu.
I can’t believe there’s a part of you that grows when you need it. You’re like a mutant.””I’m a vampire,” Baz says, “and can you hear yourself?
She thought of … the way he never made made her feel crazy, even when she was acting crazy, and never made her feel like a failure, even when she was failing.
At the end of the day — after work, after trying to spend some sort of meaningful time with Alice and Noomi –Georgie was usually too tired to make things right with Neal before they fell asleep. So things stayed wrong.
Everytime, he breaks your heart. And everytime, he expects me to pick up the pieces.
If it tries to take you,” Wren said, “I wont’ let go.
And what does it mean to take care of power? Do you use it? Conserve it? Keep it out of the wrong hands?
The world turned itself into a better place around him.
Park stood up when she got to their row, and as soon as she sat down, he took her hand and kissed it. It happened so fast, she didn’t have time to die of ecstasy or embarrassment.
To really be a nerd, she’d decided, you had to prefer fictional worlds to the real one.
… Whenever Eleanor felt nervous or scared, she told herself to be happy instead. (It didn’t really make her feel better, but it kept her from feeling worse …)
I love you. I love you both so much.””To the moon and back?” Alice asked.”Oh my God,” Georgie said, “so much farther.
Eleanor hated it when her mom acted like that. Relentlessly submissive. It was humiliatng to be in the same room.
I’m fine,” [her dad] said gently. “Back on the horse, Cath.”What’s the horse?’ she sighed, watching him pull on a South High hoodie. ‘Jogging? Working too much?”Living,’ he said, a little too loud. ‘Life’s the horse.
Not this in-between thing that Levi had, where his brain could catch the words but couldn’t hold on to them.
Words are very powerful,” Miss Possibelf said, stepping lightly between the rows of desk. “And they take on more power the more they’re spok
Because all her feelings for him – hot and beautiful in her heart – turned to gobbledygook in her mouth.
Seriously, why aren’t you on drugs?” Cath walked past her out of the room.”Are you a licensed psychiatrist? Or do you just play one on TV?””I’m on drugs,” Reagan said. “They’re a beautiful thing.
You flirt with everything.” She could tell that her eyes were popping– her eyeballs actually felt cold around the edges. “You flirt with old people and babies and everybody in between.
She could have just told him about the magic phone. Full disclosure. Then they could have solved it together. They could have Sherlocked and Watsoned from both ends of the timeline
Neal huffed. Frustrated. “I hate that you thought I wouldn’t call–I hate that everything is so tentative between us right now. When did everything get so tentative?
And in those moments, Park thought about pulling back from her.”Not breaking up with her. That phrase didn’t even seem to apply here. Just . . . erasing away. Recovering the six inches between them
I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said.He hung on to his straps and shrugged. “Yesterday happens.
I’m sorry Penelope.” “Don’t waste my time with sorries,Simon.If we stop to apologize and forgive each other every time we step on each other’s toes,we’ll never have time to be friends.
He stood for twenty minutes in the bedding aisle at Target, trying to choose a manly sheet set, then picked the ones with a violet pattern, because he liked violets and who else was ever going to see his sheets, anyway?
If this was just a dream she wished she could have it every night. Neal not quite whispering sweet somethings into her ear.
She kept forcing herself to remember the entire conversation, playing it back and playing it back, all the way through, forcing a finger down her memory’s throat.
A little manic was okay. A little manic paid the bills and got him up in the morning, made him magic when he needed it most.
Just because it had happened before didn’t mean it wasn’t serious. It didn’t mean he didn’t need them.
You are very kind,” he said. “Very wrong, but very kind.
Because, he says, it hurts to think about things that you can’t have or help. S’better not to think about it.
Eleanor had never thought about killing herself – ever – but she thought a lot about stopping.
He was hers. To have and hold. Not forever, maybe–not forever, for sure–and not figuratively. But literally. And now. Now, he was hers. And he wanted her to touch him. He was like a cat who pushes its head under your hands.
I’m extra-good at wanting things. I want things until I feel sort of sick about them. I want enough for two normal people, at least.
She could have just told him about the magic phone. Full disclosure. Then they could have solved it together. They could have Sherlocked and Watsoned from both endsof the timeline.
I’m interested. It’s like you’ve got all these weird barriers set up, like you only want me to have access to this tiny part of you…
So, what if, instead of thinking about solving you whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow.
If he were to look up at her now, he’d know exactly how stupid she was. She couldfeel her face go soft and gummy. If Park were to look up at her now, he’d know everything.
No”, she said, “I know that you don’t like me.””You don’t know anything.
This is why I can’t be with Levi. Because I’m the kind of girl who fantasizes about being trapped in a library overnight — and Levi can’t even read.
Because being assaulted with maxi pads is a great way to win friends and influence people.
How could it be possible that there were that many nerve endings all in one place?
She was pretty sure Seth had practiced all his facial expressions and gestures in front of a mirror, and worked out which ones made him look like a cross between an Abercrombie model and a kitten.
I can’t help but think,’ Park would say during taekwando. ‘I can’t turn off my brain.
He’s mad at me.””For what?””For not being like him.”Eleanor looked dubious. “Has he been mad at you for the last sixteen years?””Basically.
Kids took a fathomless amount of time and energy…And they took it first. They had right of first refusal on everything you had to offer. p220
He was probably being so quiet because he was trying not to say it out loud.
They still didn’t talk on the bus, but it had become a less confrontational silence. Almost friendly. (But not quite.)
They fell in love the way you do the first time, when you’re young, and you feel as if you have nothing and everything to lose
To have and hold. Not forever, maybe-not forever, for sure-and not figuratively. But literally. And now. Now, he was hers.
Hey, mister, I don’t think so. You go outside and yell at sky, you so angry.
She knew Neal loved her. Good for him for realizing it wasn’t enough to make him happy. That was very mature of him. He was probably saving them both a lot of heartache.
Why do I write?To be somewhere elseTo get free of ourselvesTo stopTo stop being anything or anywhere at allTo disappear
Sometimes she wondered if the shape of his eyes affected how he saw things. That was probably the most racist question of all time.
He didn’t laugh when he thought something was funny–he laughed when he was happy.
And he’d expected her to feel like heaven, plus nirvana, plus that scene in Willy Wonka where Charlie starts to fly.
Moriré besando a Simon Snow. Simon Snow morirá besándome.
Comedy writers don’t join fraternities.”Don’t pigeon hole me, Georgie, I’m infinite.
It’s still romantic falling inlove for someone for who she is and what she says and what she believes in.
Even if you break with me and crush my heart, I’m never getting back together with Dawn. I know that the world isn’t flat now, I’m not going back.
Hey, Cath. Will you warn me when you take off your glasses?
There was a necklace inside. A thin silver chain with a small pendant, a silver pansy.
He smiles, and he’s made of trouble. We should have dropped him in the Thames in a bag of stones. We should have left him out for the fairies.
Smiling is confusing, she thought. This is why I don’t do it.
I like your glasses,” he said. “I like your Simon Snow T-shirts. I like that you don’t smile at everyone, because then, when you smile at me… Cather.
Smiling is confusing, she thought. This is why I don´t do it
…as long as she was worrying about it, it probably wasn’t going to happen. Like some sort of anxiety vaccine. Like watching a pot to make sure it never boiled.
Her voice sounded much cooler than she felt. Inside, her internal organs were grinding themselves into nervous pulp. Her intestines were gone. Her kidneys were disintegrating. Her stomach was wringing itself out, yanking on her trachea.
Not that kind of cheating,” Mags said. “More like…skipping ahead. If you like someone, you should have to make an effort. You should have to get to know the person–you should have to work for that first kiss.
Make that: no one I ever wanted to kiss wanted to kiss a fat girl.
You kissed him, right? The only question is, do you want to kiss him again?
Looks like somebody’s got jungle fever.”That’s not even the right kind of racist.
They were almost never alone, and now that they almost-practically were, he felt kind of frantic for her attention.
Cath exhaled. Then inhaled. Her chest was so tight, it hurt both ways. Levi shouldn’t get to make her feel this way – he shouldn’t even have access to her chest.
But it’s up to us…’ he said softly. ‘it’s up to us not to lose this.
You couldn’t not notice the bruise on the side of her face. Or the hickey under her chin.
She started dialing his cell, then hung up and tried the landline — maybe Margaret was a better bet to pick up; their parents’ generation still felt morally obligated to answer phones.
Every time, he breaks your hearts. And every time, he expects me to pick up the pieces.
So this is what you look like when you’re keeping a giant secret from me – exactly the same as usual.
Eleanor should never have told them about Park’s house, but she’d been dying to tell somebody. (This was how people ended up in jail after committing the perfect crime.)
Cath wanted to go back and rewrite every scene she’d ever written about Baz or Simon’s chests. She’d written them flat and sharp and hard. Levi was all soft motion and breath, curves and warm hollows. Levi’s chest was a living thing.
That’s different,” Levi smiled at her warmly. “Ypu don’t rock that Little Red Riding Hood vibe. You’re scary.” Reagan grinned like the Big Bad Wolf.
There’s nothing more intoxicating than creating something from nothing. Creating something from yourself.” Professor Piper
If we go on like this, there won’t be anything left to fight for
Cath shook her head. “Now is all you get,” she spat out, wishing she could make more sense. Wishing for more words, or better ones. “Now is all you ever get.
His eyes were that colour you can’t see in the rainbow. Indigo.
Will you read this? I think maybe it sucks. Or maybe it’s awesome. It’s probably awesome. Tell me it’s awesome, okay? Unless it sucks.” — Nick
I pictured a girl who made every moment, everything she touched, and everyone around her feel lighter and sweeter.
These rotary dials were like meditation, they forced you to slow down and concentrate. If you polled the next number too soon, you had to start over from the top.
He turned around, suddenly concerned. “Are you pregnant? Are you gay? I’d rather you were gay than pregnant. Unless you’re pregnant. Then we’ll deal. Whatever it is, we’ll deal. Are you pregnant?
Then she kissed him. He loved it when she kissed him first.
Then he slid the silk and his fingers into her open palm.And Eleanor disintegrated.
You look like you. Only with the volume turned up.
He looked up at her and smiled crookedly, holding out a few sheets of paper. “Will you read this? i think maybe it sucks. or maybe it’s awesome. it’s probably awesome. Tell me it’s awesome,okay? Unless it sucks.
I was just cleaning up my own mess, Baz. Like, no one would call you a hero for cleaning up your own vomit.
Baz arched an elegant brow. “Are you going to snog the Humdrum-is that your plan? Because he’s eleven. And he looks just like you. That’s both vain and deviant, Snow, even for you.
If you’re as good as your word, words should be good enough.
I wonder…,” she said, “if there was such a thing as time machines, would anyone ever use them to go to the future?
My life is like an O Henry story….the funniest girl in the world and the boy who never laughs.
If they’d given her a proper time machine, she probably would have used it to cuddle with him. Let somebody else kill Hitler.
Because I’m the kind of girl who fantasizes about being trapped in a library overnight.
I always get lost in the library,’ he said, ‘no matter how many times I go. In fact, I think I get lost there more, the more that I go. Like it’s getting to know me and revealing new passages.
You’re not a book person. And now you’re not an internet person? What does that leave you?
I said that sometimes it’s too much.””Well, I want someone who doesn’t thinks so. I want someone who’s heart is big enough to hold me.””You want someone whose love will fit around your finger.
I’m genetically programmed to be a terrible person.
You don’t get to choose,” Lincoln said. “It’s just happening.
Her take is that I’m just a late bloomer – that I’m taking forever to ruin my life, she’s running out of patience.
He sat up. He smiled. Something heavy and winged took off from his chest.Eleanor hadn’t written him a letter, it was a postcard.Just three words long.
I don’t know,” he said. “I just feel like I have to do something.”“Do what?”“I don’t know. That’s what’s wrong. Or part of what’s wrong. I feel like I’m sleepwalking.
All the men’s clothes she wore just called attention to how much of a girl she was.
She is a good girl,” Park said. “You don’t even know her.” His dad was standing, pushing Park toward the door. “Go,” he said sternly. “Go play basketball or something.””Good girls don’t dress like boys,” his mother said.
What do you want from me, Snow?””Nothing,” he says. And he means it, the actual bastard.
Snow’s table manners are atrocious – it’s like watching a wild dog eat. A wild dog you’d like to slip the tongue.
He got why Eleanor tried so hard to look different. Sort of. It was because she was different – because she wasn’t afraid to be.
He had never looked at me before, never, and the idea made my skin burn.
It’s a number.”“It’s not,” she said. “It’s a chance to wake up new.
Nick wanted to meet on campus at Love Library. (That was the actual name; thank you for your donation, Mayor Don Lathrop Love.)
Just … isn’t giving up allowed sometimes? Isn’t it okay to say, ‘This really hurts, so I’m going to stop trying’?
It’s going to be okay,” Park said.She nodded. “Right.””Because I love you.”She laughed. “Is that why?””It is, actually.
October, baptize me with leaves! Swaddle me in corduroy and nurse me with split pea soup. October, tuck tiny candy bars in my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins. O autumn! O teakettle! O grace!
If Levi were a dog, he’d be a golden retriever. If he were a game, he’d be a Ping-Pong, incessant and bouncing and light.
Miniature Emilie came along. Lincoln could tell she was watching him, but he tried not to encourage her. He didn’t want to betray Beth. They wouldn’t let you ride Splash Mountain, he thought.
When she and Wren divided up their clothes, Wren had taken anything that said “party at a boy’s place” or “leaving the house.” Cath had taken everything that said “up all night writing” or “it’s okay to spill tea on this.”” (pg. 189)
I dare you to call Ask-A-Nurse and tell them you feel a presence in your womb region.
It made her want to have his babies and give him both her kidneys.
There should be a word for a laugh that ends as soon as it starts. A laugh that’s more a syllable of surprise and acknowledgment than it is anything else.
I like science fiction, I like fantasy, I like time travel, so I had this idea: What if you had a phone that could call into the past?
If you were an alien who came to our bookstores – or browsed our teen magazines – you’d think that only Earth girls who look like Mila Kunis ever got any action.
With ‘Attachments,’ my goal was to write a really good romantic comedy. I wanted the reader to be smiling throughout.
It’s very difficult, I think, especially on two cellphones, to have a romantic conversation.