Usually time alters and affects everything, but when someone you love dies time cannot change that, no amount of time will ever change that, so time stops having any meaning.
Your coffin reached the monstrous hole. And a part of me went down into the muddy earth with you and lay down next to you and died with you.
Things are embarrassing, best to avoid them. But since your death I prefer a naturalist style of conversation. Let’s strip it down to what matters. Let’s have emotions and beliefs on show without the modest covering of small talk.
Just thinking of your laughter gives me courage. . .
It makes the other one more precious and also not enough. We have to try to fill not only our own boots but other people’s too – yours, Leo’s, Dad’s. We have to expand at the moment we feel the most shrunk.
The gastliness of nothing. Because I was nobody’s sister now.
A selfish person can still love someone else, can’t they? Even when they’ve hurt them and let them down.
When I saw your strand of hair I knew that grief is love turned into an eternal missing.
But grief is the ultimate unrequited love. However hard and long we love someone who has died, they can never love us back. At least that is how it feels…
Grief is the ultimate unrequited love. However hard and long we love someone who has died, they can never love us back. At least that is how it feels….
…grief is loved turned into an eternal missing. …It can’t be contained in hours or days or minutes.
Surely a good therapist should produce a Dorian Gray-style portrait from under the couch so the patient can see the person they really are.
And imagine acquiring a new language and only learning the words to describe a wonderful world, refusing to know the words for a bleak one and in doing so linguistically shaping the world that you inhabit.
But my lazy lack of faith, my in-vogue atheism, has taken away the safety net hanging beneath our children’s lives.
I get up and pace the room, as if I can leave my guilt behind me. But it tracks me as I walk, an ugly shadow made by myself.
However hard and however long we love someone who has died, they can never love us back. At least that is how it feels…