The author observes the shift now that children are not a source of labor for the family, that they have gone from employees of the parents to the bosses of the parents.
Even when our children are still young and defenseless, we feel intimations of their departure. We find ourselves staring at them with nostalgia, wistful for the person they’re about to no longer be.
You don’t have a good story until something deviates from the expected,” says McAdams. “And raising children leads to some pretty unexpected happenings.
We enshrine things to memory very differently than we experience them in real time. The psychologist Daniel Kahneman has coined a couple of terms to make the distinction. He talks about the “experiencing self” versus the “remembering self.
What makes a mother? Looking at your child and identifying emotion
During childhood, it’s about trying to help develop who your kid’s going to be. During adolescence, it’s about responding to who your kid wants to be.
Vocabulary for aggravation is large. Vocabulary for transcendence is elusive.
The 20th century, the author observes, fostered the idea that fulfillment is possible on Earth.
The phrase “having it all” has little to do with having what we want.
Parenthood is harder than conventional work, the author suggests, because our jobs develop a somewhat predictable flow and offer relatively short-term feedback. This leads to internal comparisons to the improvisational nature of parenting
Your children are going through life with their eyes closed, so YOU’RE the one who has to steer.
Couples with children may argue more, the author suggests, because children are a reminder of just how crucial our choices are.
The author says this socially respectable option NOT to parent has actually made parenthood more stressful. The knowledge that parents have chosen that role allows for unrealistic buildup of expectations and unavoidable second-guessing.