When I felt as though I had reached land, it was like I was on a deserted sandy beach, feeling isolated and afraid to share with anyone the memories that haunted me.
I think repressing what happened is what saved me in my childhood. I was able to use my imagination to create happy events, but a little girl can carry only so much on her own.
Though no longer living in silence, I continued to carry pain and memories.
So often parents of abused children feel helpless. When a child falls, and scrapes her knees parents can erase the hurt by kissing it and putting a Band-Aid on it, but not so with the pain of sexual abuse.
The very first part in healing is shattering the silence,
Because it is so hard, some people wait until they are in their thirties, forties, fifties, or even older before breaking their silence.
By opening the door to my life, it is my hope and mission to shed light on the hidden wounds of abuse, to end the stigma and shame associated with abuse, and to show survivors true courage, strength, inspiration, and determination.
I lived through this horror, and no one can tell me I have to stay quiet.”I have been silenced long enough, and I will not allow that family to silence me again. I will continue to speak out and make sure my voice is heard.
Hiding my pain and acting strong, afraid to cry and show my tears, I struggle with all this years later.
My goal in going public was not to put my extended family to shame, or to get back at Brian for abusing my sister and me; rather, my mission was to give a face and voice to an epidemic that society stays hushed about.
My mom called Grandma today and told her we would no longer be attending family parties. My mom told her we have had enough of being blamed for something Brian did and everyone brushing it off like it was no big deal.
As in so many cases of sexual abuse within the family, it is much more complicated than had it been done by a stranger.
While my sister and I were reminded we did not cause this pain, it was knowing that because we broke our silence about what had been done to us, our parents were hurting. That knowledge was hard on us.