The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it’s God first, friends and family second and you third, we won’t ever have an argument.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life’s list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that’s a bonus, and if you don’t, you still won’t hate going to work.
You may be a redneck if… you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
If you’ve ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
If your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.