Age is just a number, and mine is unlisted for a reason!

If you’re not getting older, you’re dead, so I’ll take the former with a sprinkle of denial.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Age is an issue of mind over matter if you dont mind, it doesnt matter, but my knees didnt get the memo.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed, especially if you trip.

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

As I age, I’ve decided to become more spontaneous, starting tomorrow.

You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

At my age, ‘getting lucky’ means finding my car in the parking lot.

You’re not old, you’re just… seasoned with a side of wisecracks.

The older I get, the better I used to be, if I remember correctly.

I’ve reached the age where happy hour is a nap.

Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.

You know you’re old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, ‘I might as well pee while I’m here.’

By the time you’re eighty years old you’ve learned everything – you only have to remember it!

Age is not important unless you’re cheese, wine, or a scotch whiskey.

Old age is like underwear it creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Don’t worry about old age it doesnt last that long.

Remember, you’re only young once but you can be immature forever.

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

At my age, ‘getting a little action’ means I dont need to take a laxative.

I’m not saying I’m old, but if I were milk, I’d have a ‘use by’ date.

They say age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

I’m not old, I’m a classic, and classics never go out of style.

You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Its not how old you are, its how hard you live and Ive been through a hurricane.

With age comes skills, like the ability to nap anywhere and ignore phone calls.

I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.

Age is like a garage sale it all seems old and used, but you know there’s some good stuff in there.

Being old doesnt seem so old, now that Im old.

Some days the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.

I’ve finally reached the wonder years. Wonder where my car is parked? Wonder where my glasses are?

If I were to live my life backwards, I’d make the same mistakes, only cooler!

Don’t let aging get you down it’s too hard to get back up!

They say with age comes wisdom. Now I just need to remember what it was I learned.

Old age is coming at a really bad time, when I had plans to be young forever.

I’m not old, I’ve just been young for a very long time.

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art, and I’m practically a masterpiece.

Age is just a number, mainly one I refuse to act according to.

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world!

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone, and I’m totally fine with that.

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

When you get to my age, life seems to have a cruel way of imitating your bowels irregular and surprising.

My age has reached a point where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you cant predict it. Forget about the present, I didnt get you one.

You know you’re old when you move something to a more logical location and then can only remember where it used to be.

Whoever decided that wrinkles should be called ‘laugh lines’ obviously had a wicked sense of humor.

Turning 30 is a piece of cake, which is something you should probably avoid now.

I’m not aging, I’m marinating.

The best part about being over 40 is we did our stupid stuff before the internet.

Remember when we were kids and thought adults had it all figured out? Yeah, that was funny.

You’re not forty you’re eighteen with twenty-two years of experience.

When you’re a kid, you want to grow up. When you’re grown up, you want to be a kid again. Life is just an endless cycle of wishful thinking.

Welcome to middle age that time when you finally get your head together, and your body starts falling apart.

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

Aging is inevitable, but rocking back and forth in a chair all day is a choice.

Turning thirty is all fun and games until you start sounding like a bottle of pills when you get up from the couch.

I’m at that age where ‘You look great!’ and ‘You havent changed a bit!’ are not compliments they’re accusations.

Remember when time was on our side? Now it’s just on our hips.

Growing up is a trap, and I’m pretty sure my warranty expired.

I don’t have hot flashes I have power surges.

You’re not old until a teenager describes you as middle-aged.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

I used to think getting old was about vanity, but now I know it’s actually about losing things, like glasses, keys, and rational thought.

Dont get all weird about getting older! Our age is merely the number of years the world has been enjoying us!

As I get older, three things happen. The first is my memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.

You know you’re getting older when the candles on your cake start affecting the earth’s climate.

Whoever decided to call it ‘menopause’ and not ‘power surge’ missed a great marketing opportunity.

At a certain age, your body is like a garage sale some things are just labeled ‘as is’ and ‘no returns.’

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

Old age is no place for sissies.

Im not saying Ive seen it all, Im just at an age where Ive forgotten what Ive seen.

Never ask an old person how they feel they’ll tell you.

Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.

As you get older, three things happen The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two…?

I’m not saying that I’m old, but my birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

I dont think Im getting older. I think Im getting better at denial.

I’m not old, I’m retro.

Old age A great sense of calm and freedom. When the passions have relaxed their hold, you may have escaped, not from one master but from many.

They say that age is all in your head. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

You’re not getting older, you’re getting bitter. But that could just be the coffee.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

I’m not old, I’ve just been young for a very long time.

The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.

One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it’s such a nice change from being young.

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.

You know you’re getting old when the little old gray-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

At my age, I need glasses… And I’m not just talking about the ones for reading.

You cant turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.

I used to be cool. Now, I’m just a tiny human’s snack bitch.

I don’t mind getting older it’s a privilege denied to many.

They say that age is just a number. Yea right – and jail is just a room!

Old is always 15 years from now.

It’s better to be over the hill than under it.

The good thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.

Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

I think I’ve reached my sexpiration date.

It’s not that I’m old, it’s just that I’ve been young for a really long time.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what people say. I just watch what they do.

You know you’re old when you bend over to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

The best thing about getting old is you’re not responsible for remembering things… like the second half of this sentence.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! I want people to know ‘why’ I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren’t paved.

Remember when your body had a metabolism? Those were the good days.

At my age, I’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all… I just can’t remember it all.

They say do what you love and the money will come. I’ve been eating pizza for years now and I’m still waiting.

If anyone asks, we’re a fine vintage, not old, just well-seasoned.

Don’t regret growing older. It’s a privilege denied to many.

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles than cake.

I’ve still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

You’re only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

You know you’re old when an ‘all-nighter’ means not getting up to pee.

You’re not over the hill. You’re on top of it and the view is magnificent.

Getting older is like living in a haunted house – lots of noises and smells you can’t explain.

You’re only as old as the woman you feel… but calculating age differences makes my head hurt.

You know you’re getting old when the gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

I don’t believe in aging. I believe in forever altering one’s aspect to the sun. Thus, I’m not ‘aging’ Im ‘marinating.’

You’re not old, you’re vintage, and some things just get better with age.

Getting older has its benefits. I can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.

If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then I’m a genius.

I don’t feel 40 – something must be wrong with my internal calculator.

Yeah, Im into fitness… fitness whole cake in my mouth.